Six – Mixture
I had an edible earlier. Basically according to my “rules” I am not allowed to have one until my chores are done for the day. I have to have my homework done and anything that is important and has to have my attention. To me its akin to having a drink or two to wind down, except not quite as toxic I suppose.
I am halfway through this class which makes me happy of course. I have 4 more weeks of this class and 8 weeks of my next. Then the rest of the rounds of classes I will be taking 12 credits per semester. The sooner I get this done the better honestly. I am so mad I dropped out of school before, but the more I think about it the more I know I would not have been able to do it with everything that happened.
I saw a glimpse of myself in the mirror the other day and I just felt so damn fat. Seriously. I weighed in this morning at 199.8 pounds. That is still less than the 230 I was at but I am going to get back to 230 if I dont buckle down. So I did something a little spontaneous. I registered for a 5k race. Its September 9th, and I am going to be training for it for the next 5 months or whatever it is. I am nervous because running, but I am excited because I know how proud I will be when I accomplish this.
I got in another fight with my sister. Shes a fucking asshole. So I blocked her a few months ago because my brother needs a kidney, and when I asked her what the blood time was it was a match to mine. So I said “well hey I match with that” and she said basically that I was too fat and too crazy to donate my kidney so just give it up. So I told her that was fucked up, she said I was attention seeking and my step dad didnt really rape me and I was just lying for funsies. So I blocked her…and got a new phone. With my new phone she wasnt blocked and called me. I fumbled with the phone and hung up right away and decided on Friday to text her and see whats going on. Well. I got told that she thought i was more resilient that to get pissed off about hateful words, that I make it hard for people to believe me, that I have to forgive him, that I am a bitter cunt. She just went on and on. So I blocked her again. I am a grown woman and I refuse to let someone who was never there tell me what did and did not happen. She can frankly just fuck off.
What else is going on? Work is work. Nothing really changing there except this week I have to move my desk because of the drama. Thats dumb and annoys me, but maybe the new scenery will be good for me. Also I am annoyed at old boss, because again she is lobbing grenades to try to fuck with me. Okay so this is going to get confusing. We have a boss and then we have a manager who is our boss’s boss and oversees our department. My old boss told our NEW manager that I am “always on my phone”. The only way I found this out was new boss went to the manager about a new seating plan and manager wasnt okay with me being moved away from my boss’s office due to this. My boss explained she rarely sees me on my phone, and my work is always done. She told her about the FMLA and when I was out for three months I came back to over 3000 emails and cases to process. I was expected to do that on top of my current casework coming in and I was cause up in less than 6 weeks. I feel like my old boss and the reputation of my department is going to hinder me in moving up. It doesnt matter now, obviously because I am still in school but this shit fucking sucks. Now, I am on my phone, but its not all the time. I cant set up a podcast playlist on google play so I have to go change it all the time. Also I look every single time at my phone when the alarm goes off for Finns dexcom (constant blood glucose monitor) because its my sons fucking life here.
We got our elitches (amusement park) passes for the summer, and it opens this coming weekend so we will be going there. I will be looking forward to that.
Alright. I suppose I am off to bed. Night.