brain freeze.

SHIT I have been tired lately! And stressed! And just mentally….fried.

The other night, I was still laying in bed at 2am unable to sleep. It might have been 3am, I don’t remember. I had drank a few beers trying to relax before trying to sleep. Eventually I wandered into the living room and stared into space, smoking a cigarette. I don’t know how any of it was suposed to help me, but I was on the verge of pulling my hair out. I wanted to jump out of my skin and float down a peachful river FAR FAR away from normal life. Here is what I scrawled in a notebook while staring off into the darkness of my living room at 3am. I’ll try to duplicate how it looks as best as possible.

this is fucking stupid.

I need to sleep & be fresh.

I cant stand this anymore! I wish I didnt care somtimes.

I need a day off.

it feels like ?? why??

I need helpful solutions to the problems these people make me face.

I need power to go forward and make changes????

I can’t make everybody happy!!!!!

I need to realize that and stop taking everything personally.

I try my very best!!!!

My feet hurt so bad!!!

I’m tired but I can’t sleep!

I wish I was rich! I wish I had WISDOM and CONFIDENCE!

I wish I didn’t second guess myself.

I wish we had a life outside of work

My body hurts! My brain hurts!

 Sometimes this is so exhausting and I wish I had all the answers.

I worry so much.

SO MUCH.

What do I need?

When Im off I lay around cuz I’m so tired.

that doesnt solve anything.

I need a vacation?? YES.

Its been 4 1/2 months of STRAIGHT worry and WORK.

Nothing else at all. I

wish I could go home.

I want to go to michigan

with PAUL.  …………………..

EMILY!

I wonder how she is!!??

I wish I could be with her. What if something happens to grandpa NOW?

Michael Jackson was my dad’s age…got me thinking;

what if something happened to my dad?? or someone I LOVE???

I daydreamed about my dad dying.  I would completely lose it.

Yes I would.

Nothing like that ever happens to me, but I’ve realized through Eric that it COULD. I need to accept that and act accordingly.

PRIORITIZE. (yeah right.)

I wanted drama and excitement——

—-

is this IT???????

This feels like nothing but BRAIN * FREEZE.

ugh! STRESS??

ahhhh!