Stuff and Things

Still feeling pretty damn good about my lab work from last week. Meeting with my doc on friday to go over them and I think he’s going to be pleased!

I’m currently procrastinating on a very simple work task that I have been putting off/dreading for over a week. I just don’t have the mental energy to give a shit about anything work related. It’s like my brain just shuts down and refuses to function. It’s quickly becoming a problem.

Yesterday I got very angry at all the adults i my past. They pushed me to decide what I wanted to be at a very early age when I had no clue how anything in the world worked. Originally I said I wanted to be a doctor because there were multiple doctors and nurses in my immediate family. Of course the response was positive and gave me a dopamine hit so I just continued to tell people around me what I thought they wanted to hear. I did end up going into the medical field originally but left b/c I didn’t like seeing people at their very worst day in and day out. I landed in IT simply b/c of the money. I make good money but I end up spending a lot of it on things to distract me from how much I dislike the field as a whole. I hate having a job that makes me look forward to the weekends. I feel like my M-F I just exist and focus on getting to 5pm on Friday. I hate it. All of it. I hate the urgency that’s placed around non-urgent things on a daily basis. The work tasks that I’m putting off just feel like such a waste of time. I’ll probably end up automating them so I can find some other useless task to put off. I’m just so stuck and no matter the toys I buy, the hobbies I find at the end of the day I’m still stuck.

Dating is still a shit show. I haven’t had any in-person dates since the coffee shop ghosting. I’ve messaged a few women but haven’t gotten any replies. Maybe it’s time to try another online service? I was hoping to start doing some MeetUp groups based around things I enjoy but it looks like Covid is going to stop that. bleh..

I should probably go do these tasks i’m putting off…automating sounds interesting so I guess I’ll do that *shrug*

Talk Soon

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August 11, 2021

I am not even going there with dating. I am ace/aro.  🙂