Recent Entries

• 367.

  October 9, 2023

  I think about how you finally mean nothing to me as I search and your name auto fills on my screen. I don't know what our last words were because I delete them immediately. I don't miss you but I miss how I felt when I thought of you. I wish you were someone who…

  Continue Reading...

• 367.

  November 24, 2022

  I miss the high of self destruction. The rush of adrenaline, hit of dopamine. The thrilling shivering, cascading through my nervous system when I knew I was slowly destroying myself. I still do. Slowly destroy. But there's no rush. There's no sideways smirk and wink as I dive into a bad decision....

  Continue Reading...

• 366.

  August 21, 2022

  I found pictures of who I used to be. You were there, implicitly. I found pictures of the bookshelf behind the chair in your apartment. You were there, explicitly. You aren't here now, but you could be. I wish you would be. I won't make any effort to make it true, though. ... And I…

  Continue Reading...

• 365.

  April 17, 2022

  One year. One decade. One entire life. Strange how everything is exactly the same, no matter how different. I am different. I am exactly the same. When I started I heard voices in the dark. I am the voice in the dark. I never believed in time. What is your name?   I'm sorry.  

  Continue Reading...

• 364.

  January 16, 2022

  Would you believe me if I said I'd love you if you were nothing? I think about it. I think about how I would feel if you were that same insecure high school drop out. You probably forgot that I remember. You probably forgot yourself. Denying that you were nobody to convince yourself that you…

  Continue Reading...

• 363.

  December 12, 2021

  The truth is that things couldn't have been any way other than they are. There's an inevitably to existence. This is how it was always going to be. I railed against it for so long. I saw it and I hated it. I wanted something different and I turned against myself, blamed myself. It isn't…

  Continue Reading...

• 362.

  September 12, 2021

  Goodbye.

  Continue Reading...

• 361.

  August 29, 2021

  Everything I touch turns to gold. I have all of the things they say someone like me could only dream of. My life has been a series of miracles and fortune. I get everything I want. Except you.

  Continue Reading...

• 360.

  June 26, 2021

  I think I'm the villain of this story. Fueled by too much resentment, too much anger. Unwilling to let go. Resigned to self righteousness and apathy. And part of me thinks it was always meant to be this way. It feels the closest to right I've felt in a long time.

  Continue Reading...