Friday 1/27/23

5:10a.m. Bedtime was eleven. Wakeup was five. I had a good sleep with no nightmares and minimal arthritis pain. I say this almost every morning but I feel good. I hope I can stay this way. It is a matter of choice as my old thereast would say.

Come to think of this I did have another crossdressing cream. I was dressed as a woman walking in a mall. It was all painted white. I came across this one store that sold bras for me.There were about a half dozen men sitting by telephones. I approached one. He asked me if I needed to make an appointment. I said I just wanted to look. I guess this was a weird dream after all. Thank God it was only a dream

Anyway I woke up doing a lot of coughing. I had this bug going on two weeks. I can’t seem to shake it? Today was the worst bout I had in a while. Also got a very bad headache. I guess by feeling ok I mean mentally ok.

I haven’t been up a half hour and already I’m starting to feel like shit. I’m cold for one thing. Then I feel physically ill. This is not helping me stay positive. I’m starting to feel depressed as well. I would like to know how anyone would choose to depressed. I sure as hell don’t want to feel this way.

7:52a.m. I just had French toast casserole, scrambled eggs and oatmeal cereal for breakfast.Breakfast plus two cups of hot coffee put me in a better mood. I am still faced with the same circumstances that caused a minor meltdown earlier. I’m trying not to think about them. I want to put my best foot forward.

I have other things on my mind. I have a phone that doesn’t work. Maintenance was here yesterday. They told me it has to get zset a up again. They have to call technical support and I’ll probably end up with a new number. That was early yesterday morning. I haven’t heardh from them since. I talked with the SW a second time. She said she will look into it again. But I have not heard from her either.

I need the damned phone. Got to pay bills by Feb 3. I keep thinking one good phone conversation would put us back in business.

10:11p.m. They are having the weekly coffee news hour social in the Fiesta Room today. I intend to go. Also, they are having a Chinese take out at noon. I intend to go to that as well. I never pass up a chance for coffee or Chinese food. Besides, I hope I can read the New York Times for awhile. I also need to socialize or at least make an attempt. Perhaps these events will get my mind off my troubles.

1:17p.m. I made it to the social and luncheon. I had a good time. I read three interesting articles in the New York Times. I also had a good ood lunch of sweet and sour chicken with rice. I was out of my room for total of two hours. I didn’t talk with anyone. But I did make an attempt to be among people. This was a big step for me.

I got a message from Chocolatechip. She said she’s he still loves me as a friend. I also herd from maintenance while down ther. They fixed my phone and gave me a new number. I called Chocolatechip gave her my room and new phone number. We had a nice but brief conversation. End result is I will have to settle for friendship It is better than nothing.

I’m glad I went to the social. It felt good being around other people. I did get a little anxious when I thought I heard someone mentioned my name. I said to myself so what if they are talking abut me? The feelings soon subsided and I concentrated on eating a good Chinese meal. I like going to their weekly socials and willj go again.

I feel proud of myself. I I did something positive instead of sleeping or wallowing in self pity. I read part of the paper today I got out amongst people. I contacted Chocolatechip and I think we are parting on good terms. Consequently. depression had lifted and I feel much better.

7:37p.m. I had a nice nap this afternoon. Then I had a nice long chat with Chocolatechip on Messenger We agreed to be friends. Also. I now better understand her position. I disagree with it but i respect it. After we finished talking I felt better than I had in weeks.

Dinner was good. They served chicken and dumplings. I was wide awake after dinner and started to read my book From Colony to Super Power . I also browsed for books. I added a new book to buy The Rise and Fall of Great Powers by Paul Kennedy. It only cost $8.99 I found another book Fredrick Douglass: Prophet of Freedom by David W Blight for $27.98(audiobook included in the price).

So far here are the list of books I want to buy on Feb 3:

Fredrick Douglass: Prophet of Freedom by David W Blight $27.98
The Rise and Fall of Great Powers by Paul Kennedy. $8.99
Indivisible: Daniel Webster and the Birth of American Nationalism by Joel Richard Paul $27.98
The Virginia Dynasty : Four Presidents and the Creation of the American Nation by Lynne Cheney. $21.98
James Madison : A Life Reconsidered by Lynne Cheney. $24.48
Diplomacy. by Henry Kissinger. $21.48
Ending the Vietnam War: A History of America’s Involvement and Extraction from the Vietnam War by Henry Kissinger $15.99

These books come to $148.88 I can easily afford them. New York Times $21.99, Audible $15.99 and Open Diary $3.99. Total is $190.85. Total income is $870 minus $45 to Credit One and $825 to Capital One. Minus $583 for rent and $190.85 for books leaves $51.15 Gee, I might be able to buy a couple more books.

9:57p.m. I am having a good evening. I was reading / listening to my book From Colony to Super Power: United States Foreign Relations Since 1776 by George C Herring. I have about thirty minutes to go on Chapter 4.

Then I made the mistake of reading her diary. Chocolatechip wrote that she is trying to avoid a toxic situation. She defined toxic as two people who have nothing to talk about but problems and complaints. So our relationship has been toxic, according to her. The last thing in the world I wanted was to cause her problems or be a burden on her or anyone else.

Toxic my ass! She was the one who constantly complained about her problems. She was the one who contacted me today!. I swear to God I will not bother her again.

Oh well I had a great day. I’m not going to let this bother me. I’m going to finish reading my chapter and go to bed. I had a good day today and nobody is going to ruin it