Friday 4/19/24

2:40a.m.Sleep had been intermittent tonight thanks to weird dreams. I remember this one dream. I was married to a womaone day I had enougj. In who made me do housework naked. we had two adult sons still living with us. They were lazy and irresponsibles. I yelled and cussed at them while they were lying on the couch like Beavis and Butthead. I said I’m not cleaning up your room anymore. I also said you have to buy your own food. Above all else it’s time to man up and start looking for a job! They lust laughed at me while I was standing over them naked.

I had other dreams as well but this one stands out in my mind. Now it is 3:00am. I cannot get back to sleep. I swear I sleep better in my wheelchair.

6:02a.m. I managed to fall asleep and had yet more dreams. In one dream I had a tablet. I placed it on a stove with the gas burners on I took it off before anything happened. But I couldn’t turn off the stove.

I think I’m up for good. I hope the aides get me dressed and in my wheelchair before breakfast.

10:18a.m I had cold scrambled eggs and two sausage paddies for breakfast. At least the coffee was hot. I talked with Chocolatechip after I ate. She reported waking up with diarrhea again. But this didn’t stop her from doing the chores. Her joints were sore and stiff so she took an ibuprofen. We talked fora few minutes then she wanted to elevate her knees.

The aides finially got me dressed and in my wheelchair. Once again I missed the coffee social because they were late. I do not like this new schedule. I wish I could go back to the 4am routine. At least I’m could eat breakfast in my wheelchair and go to the social.

I do have my menu for Friday. They are serving cranberry chicken, brussel sprouts and stuffing. For dinner it’s meatloaf, green beans and mashed potatoes. I hope these meals don’t make me sick.

11:24a.m. I’m starting to get anxious about the Amazon gift cards. I’ve been doing pretty good with the OCD. Then I started looking at books this morning. That started the wheels turning in my head. I just cannot live without three books coming out next month. My all time favorite author Stephen King is coming out with a book of short stories, You Like it Darker. Then John Grisham is coming out with Camino Ghosts and David Baldacci has a new book Calamity of Souls. All these books are coming out in May.

Anyways i started to obsess these books. I’m starting to think the nursing home is lying to me again. I will not get the $50 Amazon gift card. They are still screwing with me. The harder I try not to think like this the stronger these thoughts get.

Bear, just try to forget about it. Thinking like this is not helping. I will get the gift card or I won’t. All the will not change that fact. So I’m resolved to concentrate and enjoy the books i have. And I do have plenty of unread books.

1:36p.m. Lunch was delicious and I ate it all. I didn’t get too bloated this time . I talked with Chocolatechip after I ate. She was baking cookies, chocolate chip cookies. I was talking about all the times she would bake cookies. I got fat eating her cookies. Anyways we were talking about the times I’d be in her kitchen while she was baking. Those were good times talking about them brought a smile to my face. It also got my mind off of books.

I was telling Chocolatechip about my bout with OCD this morning. I don’t know why I get like that. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a very real diagnosis. That is one of my diagnosis. I can’t help thinking like that from time to time. I can learn how to overcome OCD by changing my thinking. That’s was what I was doing earlier. I was trying to come up with a more rational way of thinking. It worked this time.

Now I hope I can concentrate on my book We’ve Got Issues. I was reading an interesting chapter last night. Dr. Phil was talking about logical fallacies. One such modern day logical fallacy is Presentism. It is applying today’s “rules and values to yesterday’s situations.”(p,128). Put in another way it is using today’s mores and laws to interpret historical events I thought this was very interesting. Read the book to learn more.

Anyway, I hope to get started on Chapter 11 today. Here. He asks the question “Are you open to changing your mind?” I think I am pretty open minded. I like to read from many sources get as much info as possible before forming an opinion. I do not attack or bash someone I disagree with. After all we all have opinions and this is still a free country.

Well, back to my book.

6:25p.m. I had a lousy supper. I ate a chocolate pie for dessert. That was good. The meatloaf was good. The mashed potatoes were cold and watery. I could not stomach them. The beans were editable. The juice was warm and the coffee was cold. Yech!

I did some reading in We’ve Got Issues. I read a couple of chapters before they put me to bed. But my best time for reading is at night. There are less interruptions and it is more quiet. Then reading a couple hours before I fall asleep is very relaxing. I fall right asleep around 9:00 9:30.

Other than supper this was a fairly good day. It was better than yesterday. I only peed myself once. That was right before supper. I was surprised when the aide came right away. I did not have to sit in urine hours on end. That made it a very good day

t. All the worrying in the will no