Sunday 4/21/24

1:29a.m. I just had a dream where I was in some kind of cross country horse race. We had to go all over the upper Ohio Valley. I had to ride this s horse from Weirton to Mingo Junction. From Mingo I had to go up to through this spooky and creepy woods to get toj Wintersville then back down to Weirton.

But I never did get back home to Weirton. There were a lot of road blocks along the way. At one point I almost got hit by a car. Then ,while in this woods, people would jump out to grab my horse. They were already dead and we’re trying to pull me back into their grave. I woke up after that.

A lot of my dreams seem to involve me getting back home to Weirton or Follansbee. For some reason there always seems to be an obstacle in my path. I can never get back home. For example, I would bek driving a car down old Route 2 from Weirton to Follansbee. The road would be blocked by a massive rock slide. I could never get back home no matter how hard I tried. Dreams are so weird.

Well I guess I’m up for awhile. I’m kind of wired. Still, I wish I could fix myself a nice hot cup of coffee. I miss not being able to do that.

7:28a.m. Sleep was intermittent thanks to weird dreams I remember them vaguely. One dream involved crossdressing. I was in this women’s clothing store. I was trying on girdles. I picked one out that was way too small. Then there was this other man who came in looking for clothes. It turned out we were friends since grade school. Since we were both dressed as women we talked about fashion. I woke up after that.

I was up for good at 7:00. I called Chocolatechip. She was having a o better morning. She took an pill for anxiety as soon as she woke up. This helped with the anxiety she has in the morning. We talked about the new caregiver that’s coming next week. She also talked about weird dreams. Neither one of us can remember the last time we slept straight through.

I just had my breakfast. I had a French toast casserole and a biscuit. The coffee was barely hot but I drank it. I guess cold coffee is better than none at all.

10:18a.m. I read We’ve Got Issues after breakfast at. I read until the aides got me in my wheelchair. They left my oxygen tubing on the floor. I had to go to the nurse’s station so they can hook me up to a tank. More than half these CNAs don’t give a shit. They know I’m on oxygen. Why can’t they hand me my tubing?

Oh well, I am not going to let that ruin my day. I’ve been enjoying We’ve Got Issues. Dr Phil has been talking about Ten Principles for a Healthy Society. These are:

Be who you are with a purpose
Focus on solving problems rather than winning arguments.
Don’t reward bad behavior or support conduct you don’t value
Measure all actions based on results and all thoughts on rationality
Consciously choose which voice in your life deserve the most attention
Do not stay silent so others can remain comfortable
Actively live and support a meritocracy
Identify and build your consequential knowledge
Work hard to understand the way others see things
Treat yourself and others with dignity and respect

These begin on p226. Dr Phil then goes on to explain each principal. I’m reading about number 5 right now.

12:49p.m. Lunch is late and I’m getting hungry. They are serving pepperoni pizza, beef vegetable soup and a salad. I don’t like their soup because it is too cold. So I’ll just have the pizza and pears for dessert.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading. I’m on #7 of the Ten Principles. Dr Phil makes a lot of sense I always did like his show and his books.

2:47p.m. I’ve been trying to finish We’ve Got Issues. My mind started to wander. I haven’t been hearing from Chocolatechip. I started worrying about her. I started thinking something bad might of happened. I sound like a crazy old fart but Misery Towers can be a dangerous place. Two or three women have been raped. We even had one woman murdered. So I think I’m not too far off in my thinking.

Chocolatechip did eventually call. She was watching The Trouble with Angels . She loves that movie and it is a good flick. It turns out she is doing fine today. Chocolatechip ordered a salad from Dominos. So she had a good meal. She reported that her anxiety was down and she wasn’t as depressed. She talked about the new caregiver coming Tuesday between 9-1. . She hopes the caregiver has a car so she can get groceries. I’m worried about that because Chocolatechip is out of food. But it was still good to hear her voice.

Besides worrying about Chocolatechip I’m having a good day. I did a lot of reading in We’ve Got Issues. I already almost read 50 pages. I thought I could finish this book today but I still have a ways to go. I hope to finish as much as I can tonight. I’m anxious to start on that new book Here, Right Matters by Alexander Vindman.

I am proud of myself. I’ve been focusing on my reading goal instead of obsessing over getting more books. Today, I reached my goal. I have done 86 straight days of reading according to my Kindle app. Still I wish I could buy more books! There is no such thing as too many books!

6:36p.m. I ate my supper except for the beets. I didn’t like the sage in the turkey but it was ok. The dessert was delicious. I had a piece of pumpkin pie. Best part of the meal was it didn’t make me sick or bloated.

I talked with Chocolatechip after dinner. We both like old time country music. We go as far back as Merl Haggard, Dolly Parton, Porter Wagoner , the tv show Hee Haw. She was listening to some of those artists on YouTube. This brought back good times we had listening to music on my computer after supper. We had such a good time when I lived in Misery Towers.

She has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning. She sees her cardiologist. Chocolatechip talked about getting her stuff ready. She also made out a grocery list. She is hoping the new caregiver has a car so she can go shopping. Chocolatechip said she has nothing in the house but oatmeal cereal. I’m worried to death that she is not eating right.

We talked for a half hour. She asked what I was going to do tonight. I said probably stay up and read. I don’t have too far to go in We’ve Got Issues.I said I want to finish that book if I can. I talked about Dr Phil and his book. I said really like it and will give it a five star rating. But I do not think Chocolatechip will like it.

Chocolatechip isn’t much of a book worm like me. That’s too bad because I think she could really benefit from reading. Misery Towers has a library on the fourth floor. Chocolatechip is scared to go in there for fear of getting bed bugs. That is very unfortunate because they have all kinds of books. I’m sure she could find something interesting.

Well it is time to sign off for the day. This has been a good one for me.

8:24p.m. I had a very nasty aide who put me to bed tonight. Then she turned on the air conditioner. I’m laying in bed right next to it wearing nothing but a skimpy hospital gown. I’m freezing my butt off. It is going to be a very long night.

I’m on the last chapter in We’ve Got Issues. It is Principle # 10 Treat Yourself and Other with Dignity and Respect. I’m going to try and finish it before falling asleep I try to treat others with respect. But I can be an asshole at times especially when laying in poop for hours on end. When this happens I sure as hell do noot feel like I’m being treated with dignity or respect.

Well, back to my book!

9:37p.m. I was having a pretty good day until the aide put me in bed. She was so fucking nasty! This left a very bad taste in my mouth. It triggered a very bad depressive episode. It also made me feel so lost and lonesome. I wish to hell I had somebody to talk with about this incident. But all I have is Chocolatechip and she has gone to bed.

The depression lead to a chain reaction. I started looking at books on my wish list. I desperately wanted to buy some books to make me feel better. This started me thinking about the $50 Amazon gift card I’m supposed to get from the nursing home. I started getting anxious and even more depressed. In addition I just peed myself and I hurt like hell. This is not helping with the depression.

So I’m having a very miserable night.fuck it fuck it and fuck it.

11:33p.m. I finially got an aide to change my briefs after nearly two hours of pure hell. I’m dry and clean down below. I hope I can defuse so I can finish that damned book. I’ll be awake for awhile so I might as well read