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I am generally a pretty lucid dreamer & last night was no exception. My dreams were just a series of me screaming in various settings for what felt like the entire night; unremitting, uncontrollable rage. I was so frustrated at the situation/s – that no one could ever seemingly see or hear me and nothing was happening…and there was no way out, and I was just so fucking tired of screaming that I started slamming my head against the walls.

On second thought, I’m not actually sure it was rage – it was screaming, and it was desperate – but, I guess that still leaves several options; it’s almost embarrassing how bad I am at identifying my own emotions (albeit, dream emotions in this particular case). On the other hand, Google verifies that dreams of slamming one’s head into the wall indicates that “you are frustrated because you can’t find the solution to a problem that has been bothering you for a long time”. Which, is accurate.

And. At one point I did stop screaming…but only because there was something in my mouth – any attempt to spit or pull it out was futile though, as it was continuously replaced with more. I can only assume this is just an alternate manifestation of the never ending screaming.

At some point I woke up panicky; dream me was probably relieved to get another break from the screaming – woke me though was less than thrilled with the panic and coerced myself straight back to sleep without even looking at the time, just to avoid the whole deescalation attempt process; I have learned not to engage with my anxious mind, no amount of rationalization will quell it’s irrational nonsense. Better to just circumvent.