Just a mom now,
just don't scroll back into the darkness; established in 2004 & that was a long time ago - it took awhile to get from then to now.
Some things are private, some things were lost when OD went down, some I deleted myself...but this is what remains.
Trauma. Teenage angst. Depression. Anorexia. Self injury. Anxiety. Promiscuity. Bad decisions. And somehow, a "happily ever after"

Latest Entry

Again

August 1, 2020
I remember reading a memoir in high school, about someone else's experience, and that's when it hit me. All these memories, these sickening flashbacks. I remember how difficult it was to reconcile with them. It was really hard to believe them, to accept them, because it felt like a fabrication, a...
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Recent Entries

  • ashes
    August 6, 2019
    People don’t change. Life changes. But. People. Don’t. I can say this because I am one of those people. Life looks different now, but inside I am still the exact same person. Like an addict who lives their whole life looking sober, but they go to sleep at night dying for just one more. It…
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  • Asset 5
    roots
    February 17, 2019
    I am the deep blue nothing drowning in the noise choking choking break repeating reaching reaching empty drifting fading fading just the surface I am the deep blue nothing.
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  • So Sorry, That I Let You Down
    February 28, 2018
    My husband is out of town, so the house is dark and quiet, and I'm alone. The girls are fast asleep in their beds. He travels often, usually only a night or two at a time, but week in and week out it starts to add up. He says he misses us, but I imagine…
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  • The Day I Should Have Died
    February 19, 2018
    It was a Saturday in May, almost 5 years ago now. Courtney had moved to Texas with her boyfriend and secretly married him so she could live on base with him during basic training; she'd driven back home the night before to surprise her family with a visit and we'd made plans to drive several…
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  • Predictability
    February 14, 2018
    I have 1.5 hours to get my thoughts out, give or take, while the kids nap. This is what my life has become, just a series of predictable events. Uneventful, uninspired. I stopped writing completely after I had Evelyn and got married, open diary was gone and I felt like I'd outgrown the need to&he...
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  • It’s Back!
    February 6, 2018
    It’s kind of strange, writing this on my iPhone instead of tapping away on a keyboard. About to write about my grown up life in a diary full of teenage angst. I’m married, going on 4 years. I have a 4 year old. And a 2 year old. And They’re incredible. like legitimately incredible - I…
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  • Pregnancy
    April 4, 2013
    I am 9 days late. Oh, and pregnant.
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  • The Things We Say, Late at Night
    December 26, 2012
    "I want to give you everything." Good, because I want all your gold...and money, and your house and your car, and I want your babies.
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  • Citizen Cope
    August 31, 2012
    "And I said all my lifeSee I been spending all this time, whoaEvery time I see ya its just enoughCause you and I was meant to be together in love Could you believe me somehowYou're second to noneAnd you got my loveYou got me under the gunCould you receive me somehowI'll stay with ya, stay…
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