3 ED

I need to stop taking these pills, my chest hurts so bad and I can't sit still. I feel like energy is going to just burst out of me...it's a terrible feeling. I know I would feel better if I just ate something, but just the thought of eating is making me nauseous. I need…

I had this dream, and it became a lucid dream, and I remember realizing it and thinking to myself - okay, I'm dreaming, and I can do absolutely whatever I want...but I have to hurry - because I could already feel the dream starting to slip away; as pathetic as it is, the first thing…

Its difficult to articulate, but I guess, I thought that eventually the fight would just be "to be healthy" and in actuality it seems like its just a perpetual fight to "not be unhealthy" .. and I know it sounds like the exact same concept, but, its not; its like the difference between backing aw...

I am still trying to remind myself that I do want to be healthy. I thought maybe thinking about how terrible it used to be, would be enough; but. even the worst memories are ineffective. And its not that I am remembering it to be less than what I actually went through, its that, as…

I weighed myself this morning and instead of seeing the 103/105 that I have been seeing, I saw 99...and the relief of seeing double digits far outweighs the satisfaction of trying to be healthy. Half of me thinks this is okay because 99 is not significantly less than 103. But I know that the sent...

89 I don't think I've seen that number on the scale since I was a child.

I wonder what other people see when they look at me; I know I'm small...but even so, I still see flaws in my body (I am NOT saying I am fat, just that I'm not perfect) - do other people see those flaws? I've been feeling lightheaded the past day or two, despite eating "normally".…

I've got inexplicable bruises all over my body; I have a bruise...in the middle of my chest between my boobs (or lack thereof) (and, how does that even happen), I have a bruise on my upper arm, my upper thigh, on my knees & on my shins. My rib bones are making quite the appearance…

I've been doing this to my body. for twelve. years. twelve fucking years. I've struggled with it, every.single.fucking.day for twelve years.  

I'm literally shaking, I almost spilled my coffee. It's happening sooner than usual; I used to be able to go a week before it got to this point, easily. But lately it's been 1-2 days; I guess because I've been maintaining a low weight for so long. Don't get me wrong, it's not going to…