After I smoked…

After I smoked I got the worst headache on Saturday. I felt like I was dying. I had no idea why that happened. The next day I listened to church about having endurance(I needed to hear that). Then I listened to a tarot card reader that exclaimed to not get defeated. Afterwards, a new guy came over. He drooled over me for about 2 hours while I did my hair. He was so smitten. A young guy only 23. I asked him how old he thought I was. He said 19! Ha! I knew he was trying too hard to impress me. That’s twenty years younger…he made me feel good though, hearing that age. After he left I took a nap, then did some errands and prepared for work tomorrow. If I go to bed now I’ll get 6 hours of sleep…that’s all I need. I’m going to smoke weed again in the morning. I learned to accept my addiction. I’m just going to take care of myself by taking my vitamins and not overeating. I’m going to treat my lips everyday so they won’t be dark and cracked from smoking. I’m going to bed with my creams on so I can look my best in the morning. “Look good, feel good, stack up on money”…that’s my mantra until the end of May. That is when my school contract ends. I plan to keep my job until the very end. I’m going to always pray for my addiction. Ask God to protect my lungs and voice. I’m going to try to live right. Don’t steal, gossip, or do anything displeasing to God. What if smoking weed is wrong?…I’ll ask God. He will let me know but I think it’s all based on consumption. I just need to make sure I don’t overeat all the time. I tend to do that when I smoke…I just need to be more conscientious. And I’m going to focus on learning two songs for an upcoming event I have at the ensemble theater. It’s for a sickle cell anemia event, and I’m performing for charity. I also plan to sing at a small church and at an outreach ministry coming up soon. So memorizing songs will be a must for the rest of this month… I hope I get enough rest. I hope I have a good day tomorrow. I hope my feet won’t hurt from walking all day. I hope I will find a rhythm of where to walk and where to sit throughout the day on school grounds. I pray that I will be calm in knowing that God is ordering my steps.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Please forgive me for my sins knowingly and unknowingly. I pray my faith increases. Let me not forget all the miracles you’ve done in my life. Let me not forget how you’ve sustained me throughout all these years and protected me and my loved ones. Thank you for my health, and the health of my family. Let this work week pass by easily. I want to say quickly but I want to enjoy life. I hate working but I pray that you can help me learn to enjoy time with my coworkers and have joy seeing the kids everyday. Help me learn the lessons necessary to grow into the woman you designed me to be. Help me figure out if I should pay $125 a week for a manager. Help me find a better agency with the best team of agents that have actual connections. Direct me to the right people to reach out to. Guide me in the right direction and protect me against all evil. Please send me a team of angels to help my career in Jesus name. Amen

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