The early 2000s

He cheated on me with Margo!!! I felt betrayed.  I felt violated. He was the last person I knew to be a cheater. I was hurt.

I stayed busy with work.  I spent my weekends away in a bigger city.  Which is where my brother moved too. So clubbing. Drugs.  Drinking. Sex.  I didn’t want commitment anymore.  Just would hook up with people for a night maybe if it was good or they had drugs too I’d hook up a few more times.  Not proud of my behavior but it was what it was. 🤷

If I wasn’t visiting my brother, I was involved with community theater.  There I had to stay sober. I started hanging out with them more & away from other people just to avoid running into Rusty.

I went back into the therapy trail program.  I really started to work on me for the most part but the more deep I got into those the more I did drugs.

While at work there was a guy in the warehouse who really made it an effort to hit on me finally broke me down & I told him 1 date.  We was a lot older.  Funny.  Charming & seemed really nice. We went to a dive bar our first date & then we had sex outside in his van.  This went on for months like this.  But anytime I asked why we couldn’t hangout at his place I always gave an excuse. He screamed red flag!!

I started to fade him out at work. I started to question him. Then I just stopped going to work.  Started to work for a friend of mine from the theater company.  He was also a professional actor in Hollywood.  Been in some b rated movies mostly.  He was back home taking care of his parents.

One weekend I was not working.  I had no theater stuff so I went to visit my brother.  On my way home I pull up & my mother & some lady are sitting on the porch.  It’s like 9pm. As my looks at me with disappointment & anger she walks inside & locks the door.  The lady introduced herself as the ex guy from works wife! I knew he was hiding something.  Fuck!! Here & I talk for a bit & ask her to meet me at village inn.

We talk.  We drink coffee & eat she learns I didn’t know about her.  She learns I’m not interested in him anymore & called it off months ago.  She thought he was with me because he was out late again.  Told her where he took me & maybe he was there with someone else.

Going back home was out of the question.  So I landed up with some friends at their place.  In the morning my mom called me a lot of names & homewrecker was the 1 that really hurt.  How could I be that if I didn’t know the ass hole was married & with kids (the mini van was a clue)?

So this fight lead me to moving out. I moved in with my old boss from high school days at the video store.  Then I moved in with her friend & kid for a short time. Then I moved in with my friends who were swinger. This was all within a year.

While living there I became involved with them.  I was “collared” to them.  One night I was crying over Rusty.  It was his birthday.  How on earth had I landed up spiraling myself into this mess?  “Janet” my friends wife at the time told me she gave me permission to find him & be with him.  Give me time to think about what I really wanted. So I did that.  But I did it because in my heart I was done with my home town.  I was done with my mom treating me like a criminal over my life choices.

Rusty came over without hesitation.  I didn’t care if Margo or him had been together still or not.  I found my shortest punk rock plaid dress some 6 inch boots. teased my hair which was now black & blue had torn knee high stockings with a garderbelt. No bra.  Dress was tight on the top so held the girls in tight & cleavage for days. When I answered the door Rusty looked like the guy I first dated.  Short hair.  Glasses.  Tshirt & regular jeans.

His mouth was open when he looked at me. I leaned in & bit his earlobe & tapped my nails on his forhead & whispered I need you.  I want you. He moaned with desire & grabbed his hand & walked him  to a room upstairs.  For 6 straight hours we did everything & anything.  It was probably one of my most favorite nights with him. We laughed & giggled & had great conversations during.  It was weird but one of our deepest bonding moments.

I told him after I was sorry about dropping the baby stuff on him the last time. He understood & was sad that I didn’t tell him.  I told him I was moving out of town & this was goodbye.