#grief

I sleep. Not just at night. Not just 8 hours. Not a short nap. No, I sleep as much as I possibly can. I sleep to forget what is gone. I sleep to stop seeing you drift away from me day by day for two months. I sleep to forget your last breath. Your face…

FACEBOOK POST NEVER FORGET THAT WHILE YOU WERE CRYING FOR THAT PERSON, THAT PERSON WAS SMILING WITH ANOTHER… While you couldn't sleep, that person was sleeping with another one. While you were crying every night, that person was going to sleep peacefully. While you waiting for that message, that ...

I spent the last week bouncing back-and-forth between Bakersfield Los Angeles, as I attempted to get some of the last things that I had at the house. I didn’t want to run into my partner, he’s an alcoholic and… I can’t even begin to describe that situation and you could only understand it if you&...

Stream of consciousness... from last night. Recorded from a voice message, transcribed. **** This is my idea for writing, art, expression, something I don't know, but I'm driving in my car. I've just left the Joker, and it was an okay movie. It was a musical. It was a dark musical. I was really b...

Between work and cancer treatments, Rusty would come up and stay with me as often as he could to make sure I was complying with going to my treatments because he would not allow me to give up on my life and health. Because chemo sucks and you want to end your life when it's…

I really thought leaving my home town and moving 100+ miles away would give me enough space between all the Drama and headaches the town drew in. I moved in with my brother into this pretty cool 2 bedroom apartment. I was working for a place called Kinko's (dating myself here if you remember that...

He cheated on me with Margo!!! I felt betrayed.  I felt violated. He was the last person I knew to be a cheater. I was hurt. I stayed busy with work.  I spent my weekends away in a bigger city.  Which is where my brother moved too. So clubbing. Drugs.  Drinking. Sex.  I didn't want…

When I heard his voice on the other end of the phone, my stomach felt like butterflies and I honestly felt sick. He told me he was not living with his parents and his brother just happened to get the message otherwise he doubts he never would have received the message. Looking back on that…

My time away from Rusty would seem like a fast time but really it was a huge mess in my life once he was gone. My roommates changed and the new ones had become liars and thief's. I reconnected with my older brother who started becoming more and more involved in my life. I even…