#grief

I screamed at you today. Hit my steering wheel a lot. Demanded that you explain to me why you decided to die. The uncontrollable, unexplainable rage hit. And my shoulders are still tight from it. And now I’m in a fog like state mixed with this sense of spiraling out of control. Why oh why…

Journaling is supposed to be good from my grief and for sorting through my feelings. Sometimes I feel like writing about it only makes things worse. Next week will mark two months since I lost Mom. I often feel so very alone. I moved across the country away from everyone and everything I know les...

I appreciate so much the kind notes from my last entry. The ferocity of this grief has really been what has surprised me the most. I find my self feeling disconnected from everyone around me. I find myself angry at life for moving forward. I catch myself just wanting to freeze in place and time&h...

My mom is gone. My mother passed away. Mom died. I feel like I am having to say these words over and over and over. Then again that is the mantra on repeat in my soul too.  At the beginning of December my mother had a seizure out of nowhere. She was a healthy, relatively…

  Today. Twenty years since Weldon Linscomb left this world. He was my first best friend, and the one who began to get me out of my shell. It's unbelievable that its been this long since I last saw him. I still remember every memory, every small detail and our time spent together, and the&he...

My coworker's boyfriend passed away today. He'd been sick, wound up being pneumonia, but we never expected this. She called out so she could deal with him yesterday and then she left almost as soon as she got in today. From what I understand, he had a lot of blood clots in his lungs. They…

I've been thinking that no matter how I'd rather not change anything due to discomfort, and on the flip side thinking about running away from it all because sometimes everything is just too much, there's some things I might have to sacrifice- whether it's the 'right thing' to do, or the scariest....

I returned to university January 2016. I went to community college for 2 semesters 10 years ago. Then there was some weirdness with financial aid that prevented me from continuing. My first year was free as my father filed bankruptcy after the housing market crash and a house fire that destroyed ...

Not to be all sad and dramatic, but I find it hard to be sad and dramatic in my real life, so guess what? That means I get to pour it all out here. My son is dead. One month ago yesterday he committed suicide. He was 18. I honestly don't know what to do…

I had this whole elaborate meaningful schpeel I wanted my first entry to have, but fuck it. Too much effort, not enough actual writing. Couldn't remember my old OD name that I had since '04. Mackerelsophist-something, or peachxchampagne, eh, close enough. I don't remember where I was the last tim...