A special thank you to Marin:
Because of you, I don’t rush into sleeping with a man and because of you, I’m VERY weary of any man that I let into my space and VERY weary of when a man makes me feel like my opinions don’t matter. And I’m VERY weary of when he idealizes me, instead of feeling oh-so-ecstatic just because someone is paying some shitty attention. Though this new man does everything right, but there are very settle red flags, that my eyes have to be WIDE open to even notice them. I notice the fake supply, the fake rush-in, the fake feeling of satisfaction. He doesn’t want me, he wants my supply and I’m replaceable to him. The problem with narcissists is not that they’re selfish but they LEAVE and DISCARD YOU FOR DEAD after they sucked you dry of all your resources and NEVER feel bad for doing it. Therefore, I must end it. And then block him. That’s the only way to prevent getting sucked into the vortex of desperate loneliness. I don’t feel better when I’m with him because he just reminds me of how lonely I already feel, he never sees me and never hears me. He sees what he wants, and he hears what he wants. My relationship standards have gotten higher since the last guys. And I’m not about to step backwards. What hurts the most, is that he doesn’t care but yet I fantasize that he does. I can’t help but idealize him. I can’t help but wanting him to love me. I want someone to love me, but at least let it be real love. Not bullshit ego love.