Broken truth

I wanna find love

I’m ready for someone to love me

but I want the real love

not the fake love

I’m so afraid I’ll find the same abuser I was with

but in a different form, in a different person

I either find guys who don’t love me

or find ones that will abuse me

I wish he knew how much trauma he caused

how I avoid whole cities and towns

because im afraid I’ll see him

Everytime my dogs bark I flench afraid he’s outside

how out of every person in this earth he terrifies me to my very soul

I fear him

when I left him, it left me with a lot of rage

I had the rage for a long time

It took me awhile to let that go

but I am now at peace, but still have the look of fear in my eyes

just because I was strong enough to leave, doesn’t mean the fear is gone

I will forever wish he would’ve been who he pretended to be

but whoever that was, didn’t exist

I don’t see how he couldn’t just stay that person

I fear you less and less each day

maybe one day, I won’t fear you at all

I remember always worrying that people didn’t believe me when I told them the truth about him

but after so long, I didn’t care anymore

I know what I experienced, and I hope he never finds anyone who will stay