Tired of Being Afraid

I’ve taken a step back from all the chaos in this world to think. I ask myself, “Anna, what do you know?”  I have a tendency to speak to myself in the third person when I’m thinking things through.  I know that everything is chaotic.  Human beings around me are filled with fear.  There is much division, and people who used to love each other in spite of differences of opinion are parting ways.  The way human beings are talking to and about each other is pretty bad.  Civility is dead.  People have joined our president in how he treats and talks to people. Even the people who don’t like him and would never have voted for him in the first place are behaving like him towards him and his followers.  We have hit a new low.

There is violence in the streets. There is so much of it that we’ve gotten used to it and are not shocked anymore. So we are divided between supporting the police or supporting violence against minorities.  We have been divided over how dangerous we think Covid is.  We have been divided because nobody really knows what the truth is anymore, and it’s hard to make decisions about our daily lives.  It’s even harder to make decisions to help out other people who need help because we are so distracted by all of the chaos, that we don’t notice other things. Important things like the weather, our neighbors, strangers on the streets. Everything and everyone is looked on with suspicion, distress, and fear.  We are turning our backs on friends and family because they refuse to hate who we hate.  They are turning their backs on us, too, for the very same reasons.

My mental health has deteriorated significantly, and so has the mental health of those around me.  All of us.  No matter who we have chosen to support or hate.

What has happened to us?  Some blame Trump, some blame the Clinton’s, some blame the people who have most of the money of the world, love of power, organized religion, corporations, the Catholic Church, the Mormon Church, Evangelicals, Pagans, GMO’s, Mold, Biology, all of Science, lack of Science, The environment, belief in a god or gods, lack of belief in a god or gods, the existence of LGBTQ people, abortion, gay marriage, school prayer, lack of school prayer, the breakdown of the family, The media. The internet. Social media. So much fucking noise that I am losing my mind.

Everyone trying to control everyone else. Power. Greed. Corruption. Fear. This is what it looks like.

So, how am I going to live in the midst of this?

All I know is that I’m tired of being afraid.