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Depression, getting better

Quicksand (not pulling your leg)

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January 17, 2007
When the person you love most dies it becomes second nature to have tears stream silently down your expressionless face in public. {I look in the mirror now and see the lines in my forehead which were etched over many years from wincing with the pain of loss}. Strangers would walk up to me i...
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22

A sign that something has shifted

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December 9, 2006
Jump forward to now.... the reason I started to write about avoidance is that I had a landmark experience the other night, I went to our work Christmas Party. I came home with the intention of writing about how different my experience was this year. However, once I started writing, I fo...
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3

Carefree at Luna Park

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December 9, 2006
Last year on the night of our work Christmas party, I could not disguise my depression from my team. I had not had a drink for almost a year and I was finding any social interaction unbearable.   I spent the whole day dreading the evening and planning ways to get out of going. I had&hel...
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12

Uncovering a shameful secret, social withdrawal

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December 2, 2006
I was writing a note on a diary the other morning and as I was analysing their situation, I contrasted it to mine. As I finished typing the last sentence, I realised that I had found the answer to something I have been hiding from myself for two years, almost to the day. In October,…
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12

High adrenalin

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November 15, 2006
"In its early stages, insomnia is almost an oasis in which those who have to think or suffer darkly take refuge."- ColetteIt seems that insomnia has taken its grip on me again. The last time this happened, I would spend all night writing in my diary and then drag myself through the day....
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7

Approval seeker

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November 10, 2006
Those whose approval you seek most give you the least.Rozanne Weissman I have had my last session with my psychiatrist last week. We agreed that I am doing well on my new medication and that considering I have had a persistent period without depression that I can be left to my own devices. It was...
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6

Self surrender

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September 30, 2006
Self-respect is the root of discipline. The sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to one's self.             Abraham Joshua Heschel At the beginning of last year I gave up drinking, drugs, and smoking. It has been an iso...
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13

Reality can be beaten with enough imagination

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September 25, 2006
We can evade reality, but we cannot evade the consequences of evading reality. Ayn Rand I met with my head doctor today. It is becoming clearer that it is not serving me any longer to keep up the same old narrative about me being socially avoidant. I am lonely and isolated. As unlikely as I…
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7

Defeating loneliness

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September 19, 2006
"The eternal quest of the individual human being is to shatter his loneliness."Norman Cousins I came out of a week spent in bed with a high fever and began my new medication. Parnate this time. It has had an immediate effect on me and I feel as though a great weight has been lifted from...
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5

Keep a record of your reoccurring thoughts

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August 26, 2006
"There is in every madman a misunderstood genius whose idea, shining in his head, frightened people, and for whom delierium was the only solution to the strangulation that life had prepared for him" Antonin Artaud I visited the shrinkage who has asked me to ramp off the medication. I do...
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