Falling for the Wrong People
Any of you have a habit of falling for people you’d be better of not falling for? You know, married people, Christians (if you’re an atheist/ vice versa), best friends sister, a teacher, your escort? That kind of thing.
I do. I’ve had the habit my whole life. I also have the occasional habit of completely losing interest if I’m lucky to be with one of these people I shouldn’t be with. It’s unfortunate and makes me look like a real asshole.
I remember a few years ago, a situation arose with a married… gal? girl? Woman. I fell hard for her and she knew it. She eventually started to feel the same way. We never had sex, there was no affair. Which was surprising considering the state her marriage was in when I met her. Eventually she decided that she was going to leave him. I assumed it was because of me ’cause, well, I’m full of myself. Whether it was or not is neither here nor there, but as soon as she told me, it was as if every feeling I had for her just disappeared. Gone in a second.
I’ve long since given up trying to analyze this and have just accepted the fact that it’s one more thing I’ll never understand. What’s even more odd is the fact that there have been women I could have been with without any drama or anything like that, but I’ve just never been as driven to make it work. I suppose I just want love to be chaotic and ethically questionable.
Speaking of high school. I went to this place called the High Level Diner a few blocks away from my place last night with a bunch of friends from high school. It was fun. Good friends, good food, good times. Apparently, though, my one time good friend is gay…or likes to have sex with guys while his girlfriend watches..or something like that. That’s cool, I guess but there are things I think back to that make much more sense now that I know that. The very low rise jeans, nail polish, his love of the Folk Festival. Even still, I’m not sure I believe it. I mean, I slept over at his house a lot and he never made a move. Which was good, it saved us having an awkward conversation but not make a move on me? C’mon.
Anyway, we got buried in snow today which could effect the weekend plans. Was going to go see the sequel to the Boondock Saints but it’s playing in only one theater in the city way on the North end, so I guess we’ll see. I must start X-Mas shopping too, at least before the 23rd.
Sublime / What I Got
I so hear you. With your Married ‘gal’ who was ready to leave her husband possibly for you. lol I often wonder if I would be obsessed with Steve as much if he actually did put effort in. I mean when things are going good, I get bored.. I find it’s when he doesn’t want me that drives me the craziest. And like Jeremy and Darren.. They wanted me too much and in the end… omg.. the irritation… I can’t stand them. Duuuuude, just burn Boondock Saints!!
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In HS, I had a gay guy friend who wanted his best friend sooooo bad, but never made a move cause he was afraid of freaking the friend out. So there ya go, ya cocky bastard. 🙂 Does he still have a gf? Seems he’s also an exhibitionist… “The very low rise jeans, nail polish, his love of the Folk Festival” made me laugh, altho I have straight guy friends who love our folk festival! 😛
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*laughs* Oh my god.. that last bit. just awesome 🙂
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omg there’s a sequel to the boondock saints?? sweet!! you can keep the snow.. i got some history in edmonton, and snow is definitely not something i miss. 😛
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My best friend is a lesbian and she claims to not be sexually attracted to me, which i claim is ridiculous, because i’m hot. Well, not really. But i know what she likes, and i know i have it. But its probably for the if she doesn’t acknowledge it, because that would add some tension to the friendship. They say some people are attracted to those they can’t have, because they never haveto follow through on anything.
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ryn: if you could ask your brother what I need & what I need to do.. that would be GREAT 🙁
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Thank you for nominating me on Reader’s Choice. I was unaware it was on there until today.
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Yea, I’ve been there, done that. A spark can make a fire, but it can also burn you. So I don’t react to sparks any more. Some of the hottest relationships I’ve had have also been with the most bipolar and destructive women, like those I see on reality shows like Jersey Shore.
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Ryn: Yes yes. I don’t have a lot under my belt and the majority of the stuff I do have are still lifes and self portraits, haha.
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thanks for your note! and i think everyone has a fetish for the “forbidden fruit” in one sense or another. you want what you can’t have. while it doesn’t make sense exactly it still holds some truth.
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ryn: me too. Eminem is a lyrical genius & I love the way he can tell stories using such different & giant words. He’s like a walking dictionary, and then to make it all fit into a song.. Just wow. I actually ignore most of that song until Eminem jumps in. lol
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love sublime; great band. i’ve had that switch of obsession, or love, or lust, turned off in an instant too; crazy how these things work. ryn: haha i am super cool, thanks for reading 🙂 love your diary name, i toyed with something like that (although my disability is nowhere near the region of yours) but decided it might cop me some unwanted flak. does yours?
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RYN: I have read Fool, and I loved it. I only loved Lamb more.
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Ryn: Well like I was saying in the post, the number that comes up is 999-99, which more than likely means the person is on a messenger service, such as Yahoo or AIM and it has me logged in as mobile.
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Ryn: Yeah that is a fucked up dream. I’d be a little messed up from it too. …I must be a masochist. I do it to myself.
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