Bitching For The Sake Of It

Fuck you!

For subjecting your viewers to near 24 hour programming geared toward annointing Nostrodamus the next messiah and the various 2012, end-of-the-world theories. Last time I checked, you were called The History Channel not The Future Channel. The theme is good, it works, so stick with it, mmk? I can’t wait until December 22, 2012 so this bullshit can end and I can laugh at all the stupid people who believe your idiotic docs that constantly suck the dick of Nostrodamus advocates and New Age hippy-dippy losers. Oh, and what’s with the "reality shows" dealing with ice? Ice Road Truckers and Ice Pilots: NWT suck. What do they have to do with history? Fail. A lot.

To the Dollars For Gold people, I say…

Fuck You!

For thinking that the general public is dumb enough to fall for this shit, especially when your spokespeople don’t even seem to believe it.
Publicly traded!? You accept diamonds too!? Why didn’t you say so!? Let me just hand over all my cherished airlooms for some cash to buy a flat screen. Do you think we’re fucking stupid? Fuck you. Get off of my 50 inch.

To anti-immigration, kill the illegals rejects, I say…

Fuck you!

For thumbing your nose at people who think highly enough of your country to risk their lives to get to it. You should be welcoming these people. They do shit jobs you’d never lower yourselves to even consider doing. They leave their despotic, ass-backwards homelands to contribute to your society and you treat them like fuckin’ rapists? "But it’s illegal, it’s illegal!" Fuck you, that’s just an excuse you tell yourself so you don’t have to face the fact that you’re a fuckin’ racist pig.

To ABC, I say…

Fuck you!

For bringing back Scrubs after possibly one of the best series finales I’ve ever seen. What the hell were you thinking? You must kill this monstrosity of a season. It’s an insult to the awesomeness of what scrubs was. Die!

To gay people, I say…

Fuck you!

For wanting to get married.

Who do you people think you are? Us straight people have a long history of repressing our sexual urges until we’re wound up so tight we walk into public buildings, killing people indiscriminately. And now you gay people want to leave behind your sex for the sake of sex ways (oh, I’ve heard the stories from the 80’s)? That’s not fair to the straight people out there at all. We’re proud of the fact that we deny our natural urges; it makes us unique and miserable. And plus, judging by your parades, you guys seem an incredibly happy bunch. It’s horrible really. Would you really want to make your lives better by becoming as miserable as straight people?

To sports athletes, I say…

Fuck you!

For making the intermission, post-game interviews so bloody dull, I’d rather sit on a splintered piece of balsa wood than watch another second of them.

Is it too difficult to say "Yeah, you know, the other team sucked ass tonight. I don’t know what the hell they were doing out there", instead of the boring, we-played-well-got-some-lucky-bounces, cliched answers you spit out? Or when a member of your team royally fucks up, you say so? Why make up some bullshit excuse that’s absolutely false? If the guy gets called out in public, he sure as hell won’t let his fuck up happen again. Get some balls. Pussies.

Alright. I feel better. Hope you all had a good holiday and the new year is off to a great start for ya.