Fertility Clinic Appointment

Today was the BIG DAY! My first fertility clinic appointment. People don’t often talk about trying to make a baby, I think they don’t want to jinx it. I’ve been pretty open about it though, which, I dunno, I’m not really superstitious, and I know it might not play out the way I intend it to.

Anyway, there were ultrasounds, exams, blood tests, a consultation with the fertility doctor who told me the basics of egg freezing vs. embryo freezing. He told me the process, the statistics on how many eggs actually make it to viable embryo status, omg so much. Anyway, I have a somewhat low count of follicles, but not abnormally so, they are still in a good range it seems. Another blood test is going to reveal some more about my chances.

I was there all afternoon it seemed, waiting for half of it. I ended up having to pee a lot because I had to drink so much water to prepare. It was difficult! Ha ha no peeing is easy, just going so much felt really goofy.

There were a few other people at the clinic at the same time. I think a lesbian couple was there. I had to keep explaining things about my body and what was going on, I don’t get periods anymore, a big reason why I have to go through this whole complicated thing.

He gave me a breakdown of the costs involved in egg freezing vs. embryo freezing. Embryos cost more, and also need genetic testing which costs on it’s own just under $4000. Either way it looks like I’m gonna be paying about $10,000 minimum, which is within my budget, but also like, dammit. I can do a second cycle, which is recommended, at a discount. But I wasn’t listening very well and don’t know if it’s thirty percent off or thirty percent of the cost of the first cycle. It’s difficult. On the other hand, I really do want to be a parent, and I feel like my life is calling me to go in this direction. If it doesn’t work, there is still adoption. I feel like my future involves a child.

It’s also interesting that the two people I’ve been in contact with on OKC are parents of a type already. I put in my profile that I was looking to have kids with someone, and it’s getting me attention from women who are already moms. It’s interesting. I mean, if it worked out I could raise a kid with someone who is already a mom.

The doctor said he could help me find a surrogate and deal with all that. It’s steep though, about $40,000. I’ve heard other places say surrogates can cost $100,000 though, so really that isn’t bad. It’s making me think seriously again about selling my script and getting a huge writers fee. But then I wouldn’t be able to direct. UGH man life is fucking COMPLICATED!

I haven’t texted Jessie since last Friday, and she didn’t text me back for those last two texts I sent her. I just gave up. I’m tired of always being the one seeking her out. Since then she’s liked some things on my Instagram, and even on my Facebook. The Facebook likes are different, she was avoiding facebook for a long time. I’m not sure if she’s trying to get my attention in a passive way or what. I am so tired of trying to be her friend though, I don’t see why we should even text each other when she’s so afraid of being alone with me and hanging out. UGH gross.

BUT ANYWAY, let’s not talk about that ridiculousness. I have more knowledge about egg freezing than I did a few hours ago! It’s making sense! I’m supposed to go back when I’ve thought about things, but I won’t be able to until I’m back from Vancouver in August. Then I’m here about 5 weeks and should have enough time for a treatment cycle and egg retrieval before I go to work in my home province for ten days.

Anyway, I gotta call my script editor. Shit I need to think of some questions.