Sketchballz

So today was alright. I did shopping with my Mum, I helped her pick my Xmas present, and I offered to pay for half of it because she’s poor and I wanted this pricey thing. We got groceries and things to make sugar cookies.

I went over to my friend Ricky’s to have burritos with her partner Lee and play scrabble with them before going to meet AJ at the pub for Drag Queen Bingo. Burritos were good. But Lee told me she had briefly dated the butch I went on one date with and that they were abusive and violent and that Ricky didn’t want her to tell me about her experience. I was too busy being like “omg that is why I didn’t feel right with that woman!” and only later after spending the evening at drag bingo did I realize I was a bit pissed with Ricky for not telling me this woman she was pushing me towards was violent. Like way to go, thanks for not giving me a heads up because you think it’s more important I have sex than NOT get beat up. Great.

Anyway, I realize I need to go with my gut more and not feel bad about hurting people’s feelings when I don’t want to go on more dates with them. I am the number one person I have to look out for, not the feelings of these women who are red flagging all over the place. I kind of felt that with the woman I went on a date with in the fall too, I was just a bit, ehhh, I got a weird vibe off her because she casually mentioned gaslighting someone she was dating. Like who does that? And the butch I went on a date with was like, there was this weird comment she made when she casually mentioned getting punched by her girlfriend and I was a bit shocked that she acted like it wasn’t a big deal. Like if someone punched me that would be the end, no more dates, no more phone calls or texts, nothing, out you go. Anyway, I guess I wasn’t totally sure because she hadn’t mentioned doing the punching. But yeah, Lee says she does get violent and abusive and drinks too much. So nope nope nope.

Anyway, drag bingo was fun. We saw some drag shows. The bingo calling was so substandard though. But we’ve been going to real bingos with professional bingo callers so it’s like, you know, these people were just doing it for a laugh. There were some baby lesbians there who were really cute and flirting with each other and being adorable.

I went to tray 8 of my Invisaligns. They feel tight right now, I just put them in 44 minutes ago. I put them in at midnight so they can adjust while I sleep, it’s been a really helpful way to do it.

I read all of Vivek Shraya’s “I’m Afraid of Men” this morning. It’s such a skinny book, it was a quick read. I started reading one of my friend’s books too but I only got two chapters in before we went shopping.

I was hoping to finish my dog’s sweater tomorrow, but my Auntie comes to visit and Christmas is ramping up and I dunno, it probably won’t be until Monday or Tuesday now. BUT if I did finish it in time for Christmas that would be cute, cause then I could give my dog a sweater for Christmas. My boy dog isn’t getting one though. I might make him one next though.

I have been doing work emails almost every day. I got some copy I need to read and approve by Christmas Eve and it’s like wow holy shit it’s true we just work all year round don’t we? My producer for the big government gig is taking holidays off though, so that’s good, I don’t have to think about that. My OTHER producer for this other doc though, he is shooting this weekend to get our last B-roll. Poor guy. BUT soon it will be done and he will pay me.

I’m tired. I’m glad I am not going on a second date with the sketchball butch though. I knew there was something that made me not trust her. I thought maybe I was not attracted to butches. And that still could be true. But also I just didn’t feel right with her.

I’m fine being single for a while longer if that’s what it takes to keep me out of fucked up relationships with damaged and damaging people. Like I have standards and they aren’t unreasonable, they are entirely sensible and realistic. And I know I can do WAY better. I could even do way better than Jessie. Someone has to earn the right to date me, they can’t just be shitty people thinking I’m gonna hang around like a puppy because I am so lonely. Ugh. And man I need to remember that too when it comes to Jessie. I am not going to squander more months waiting for her. Ugh.