The Name That Came Up

Okay, so when we last left me, I was griping about how I needed to find things to do. And now it sounds like something fell into my lap and it (dramatic beat) sounds (slightly longer dramatic beat, dramatic pause, even) awful.

As I was dropping my 4yo off for preschool, the woman taking my kid’s temperature told me that my name came up. Ugh. I mean, that’s rarely good, right? They’re looking for people to lead some committee to organize the end-of-the-year fundraising event.

My name probably came up because 1) my kid is younger and will therefore likely attend this school next year, which means they’d have next years committee head as well since I had already done it and 2) they know that I’m a stay-at-home dad, and therefore have more free time (I mean, “free time” is a subjective term, but okay, fair).

This sounds awful.

I mean, on one hand, hey, this will give me something to do.

On the other hand, this does not sound like something I want to do. This sounds like it requires organization and contacting people, and all of that sounds like it sucks.

But getting back to the first hand, yeah, I probably should do this. I mean, what else am I doing? Nothing. I should be doing things. I’m wasting my time doing, I don’t know what it is that fills my day, but my day is filled with nothing and I’m exhausted when it’s done. Maybe I’m going into some fugue state and I’m being productive somewhere else, because I’m not being productive here. I mean, I’m maintaining the household. Laundry gets done, meals get served, cat boxes get scooped, but that’s basically it. And yes, of course, I’m very thankful of having the luxury of this even being an option.

I think it boils down to my life sounds boring, and I feel guilty that I’m not finding it boring. To be harsher to myself, I do very little and that’s basically the limits of my abilities.

Or maybe that’s just what I think that is how it is. Once I get into the swing of things and step out of my comfort zone and find that I’m actually pretty well-organized and like the thrill of having to contact other people. I’m laughing. Short of being bitten by something radioactive, these are not skills I’m suddenly going to discover that I enjoy.

That’s my solution to everything; get bitten by something radioactive.

Anyway, if I HAVE to do it, then I’ll do it. It’s like a treadmill. If I go for a run outside, I can stop at any time for any excuse. If I run on the treadmill and tell myself that I cannot stop until it’s time to stop, I’m not going to stop.

If I put myself on this treadmill, I’ll be forced to do it and I’ll become a productive member of my community. For once.

The fact that I’m sweating this this much, based on one conversation, seems like a bad sign of how things are in my head.

The fact that I’m able to sink some free time into kvetching about this in my OD is a solid case for the “maybe I have too much time on my hands” camp.

Anyway, I should get on the treadmill while I still have time.