i quit smoking weed today. Father, please help me not ever smoke again. I have tried to quit so many times and usually I can last up to three months before I crave pot again. I know how it negatively affects my body and how I always get the losing hand when it comes to weed smoking. I always always always lose… never win when it comes to weed smoking. I lose money, friends, gas, time, looks, and my self worth. I slept with so many people in the past three months… at least 7-8 guys. I also lost at least 4K in the past 3 months… and I burned my skin terribly when I was not paying attention bc I was in a high state… and this is not the first time I burn or cut my skin from being clumsy and careless while being high.

The first thing I must do is ask for your forgiveness Father. I’m sorry for not talking to you in so long. I know you’ve seen me in church high… just desperate for your healing. If you’ve seen me high in church, then you know all the rest I’ve done… all bad. I need to forgive myself too bc I tend to replay all mistakes in my head like a broken record. I’m still learning how to forgive myself…

next thing I must do, is to write my goals down and a plan on how to reach each of them. Easier said than done, I think. I plan to maybe start with going to church on Thursday for Celebration Recovery at Lakewood. It seems like I keep going back to weed and maybe this class will take away the desire to ever go back.

I hope I can look back and say I finally conquered the art of control. I pray that I won’t ever feel weak like I do when I smoke…always hoping for weed to smoke and doing crazy things or hanging around the wrong crowd of people. I hate to say it but all of this weed talk just makes me want to smoke a blunt. Tbh, if weed didn’t make me lose sleep, breakout, gain weight and have dark lips…I’d be smoking rn. But because I want to value myself and treat my body like a temple, I am quitting for good. But deep down inside, I still think I’m going to fail at quitting. I might have to join a recovery life group…I know weed is practically legal but my life has been shit for the past 2.5 months bc of the poor choices I made while smoking. And tbh, my life has been shit for the past 13 years. I’d use weed to just distract myself from reality.

Forgive myself….I need to forgive myself for my mistakes. God please take away all the terrible flashbacks. I am lost rn….but at least I quit smoking to clear the fog in order to find my way back.