Rock bottom

I’m watching teen mom to remind myself that I don’t have kids. I saw an episode where Maci told her friend that her ex has to reach “rock bottom”, before he can really get out of his addiction.

I think God has had so much mercy on me. All my ups and downs but He never let me lose what’s most important me. I hope I never go back…I need this for myself. I spent more than half my life right now…high.

and the fact that I keep buying it everyday…makes me realize I could be a victim of it being laced or offered another type of high…just to try only “one time” – for a high.

I do not feel like I’ve hit rock bottom because of my health, my parents, still having my job, etc…I just stayed on a string to keep me at a certain level. It’s up to me to cut the string. GOD HELP ME HAVE CONTROL

I can’t believe I gave away weed. But I also can’t believe I’m still so behind in life. I heard God can accelerate your life… how can I be worthy?

I planned on reading, praying, and not smoking. But inside – I don’t want to feel fake..no fake steps to get closer…i want the genuine feeling of falling in love with God. But in order to fall in love, don’t you see them? Hence, love at first sight. God help me see LOVE with You in my daily life through people th in gs and places..

Father, please forgive me. Please help me. Please take away my addiction. I really want this. At first I wanted to go back to smoking, please hurry…I don’t even want to be tempted anymore…but it’s everywhere. Please get people away from me that say it’s ok, say it’s normal, say it’s from the earth, suggest trying edibles…push all those people away. Help me Father…help me