anxiety, stress and the 360

damn man I don’t know if I can handle these mood swings. I mean I wake up like all off the way bouncy bouncy, night comes and I get depressed. the weather, coming off the meds, stress at work, I dunno what it is but god damn I hope it all levels out soon. can we say emotional rollercoaster? Trying to cut back from smoking 2 packs a day to just 1, did good yesterday till I hit the clubs…..like yesterday at work I had to take a anxiety pill and after I told my boss, you know I’ve had these things for a month, this is only my second time taking them and I’m to tired to drive home and will fall asleep at my desk, she told me go lay in my car and I did, passed out man for an hour and a half…..Talked to dad last night, asked for his help, don’t call my dad like that often, and last time I did asking for help was like in the 90’s, drunk, telling him I was going to kill myself…so yeah anyway this time was different, needed some breathing technices, meditation, yoga, something, which he teaches all of that. I just need to level out man.

The way I’m dealing with this stress is not a good thing and I’ve talked to my therapist years ago about this. I abuse things. Now instead of boose and drugs it’s money. can’t stop spending lately, like I’m still in vacation mode. broke it to mom last night I went a little crazy again after I “promised” her not to use the amex anymore. she’s like well it’s your money, blah blah, save for miami, etc. I’m like well as usual I’m spending before I get it. got more spa work coming up which should cover most, but I need to chill with the green man.