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Here it goes another day, another day to think about my liver. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t have to worry about something about myself or someone. I never thought that my liver would cost me to change the whole way that I live, just to live. I think about that next drink lit much, day after day. Like why not now. I have so much shit that I have to deal with each day why not just add this to the mix off all the bullshit.

I think that is why I love to people watch so much and just to think about their lives and how easy it must have been to be able to have that structure to maintain that mentality to work 9-5 everyday, Monday to Friday. They worry about the most smallest thing in life while they pass us little people who had it hard without that structure so we made our own.  Whether it was good or bad, it got us through the day and the bullshit that we carried around with us these many years. It’s not just not one thing that can prevent them from moving forward and holding that mentality when for years it has been so broken. I see so many masks but underneath there is so much sorrow and pain. I see the pain in others while they make the others happy around them. Its like they want to be noticed but not for the things that is distracting people but what is being hidden from them.

Since becoming sober people say that I have to change the people around me because all they do is mooch. But why though? Those “people” who are so called mooches are the ones that helped me on the streets in the gutter. To get better and they are not just their for themselves. I know they are not on their feet but they are the most real people in the world with actual problems just like me who was being ignored. Why would I go do something that others have been doing to me my whole life. I got better doesn’t mean I have to change who I am to better myself.