What makes you happy

To be completely honest with my self I don’t know what makes me happy.

I am a 22 year old who just graduated college this August and I am officially ready to move on to my next Journey.

The problem is I don’t know what makes me. I have a lot of self doubt and confusion within my self that might lead to anger and frustration.

I wake up everyday at 11pm with my mom yelling at me, calling me lazy and unmotivated. She always reminds me how I’m not doing anything with my life since I graduated in August and how much it annoys and hurts her the fact that I seem to have no passions and lay in bed on my phone the whole day in a messy room. Which is partially true. I spent a lot of hours on my phone just doing useless online stuff such as social media since it helps me escape my inner discomfort of constant post grad life confusion since I was younger.

I studied financial economics in college and I can say I did not enjoy the major at all. I did not have the complete freedom to choose what I wanted to study since my parents were restricting me with what majors are acceptable to study and what not. I can also say that I studied economics for superficial reasons. I thought working at a big corporate for the rest of my life and making money in a big city would have been cool and that’s when I would finally be happy.

The problem is today at 10/25/2021 at the age of 22 I still don’t know what makes me happy. But I cannot say I am a sad person either. I do not cry or have a negative out look about life. I am just very neutral at the moment and life feels dulls. I don’t get very excited about anything specifically but not sad either. Even when I was studying economics at school which I did not enjoy very much the motivation of doing good in school for myself  was there. I get in fights with my mom about this everyday which are very pressuring giving me anxiety since she yells very loudly. I partially understand where she is coming from I just don’t know what I want to do in life and who I want to become. She always mentions other people and how well and passionate they are about what they are doing making me feel bad, reminding me how I don’t reach up to that at the moment. I planned a 3 month trip to Japan on November to February and she yells at me how I better improve my Japanese while I’m there since I am half Japanese and how she will test me when I’m back. She also strongly instructs and claims how I should self study Japanese since new job opportunities can open up to me. To be honest for some reason I do believe I lack motivation and drive to do that. I am confused. But I am not sad. I just don’t know what makes me happy. I want to find myself. I don’t know how and where to start. I can’t wait to start this journey by sharing this diary with my progress of self discovery.



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October 25, 2021

Simple small things like being with my family keep me happy.

October 26, 2021

I think going on your trip to Japan is a great start! 🙂 I travelled to a foreign country several times at around your age and it was amazing. The wonderful thing about the road to self-discovery is that it will be on-going throughout your life.  There is no one date that it needs to be accomplished by.  We continue to grow, evolve and learn about ourselves our entire lives. I’m still learning and even making a major career change (at a much older age than you are now.) I can empathize and remember feeling this way as well at your age. I do think it’s a sign of maturity that you understand where your mom is coming from even though it makes you feel bad at times.  You are just at the beginning of the road to finding out more about your self and what you want in this beautiful life.  This is was your 20’s are for! Enjoy this time of discovery.

October 26, 2021

@ravenous Thank you very much for your advice! Reading this made my day 🙂

October 27, 2021

@elliathas I’m glad! You are most welcome. 🙂