it all happened so fast…

one day shes not feeling any pain, and then yesterday was the first time she felt any pain at all. which meant to me that the cancer was only starting to take over….but i had no idea that it would take her the very next day….today….

i mean, not even a week ago i was talking to her on the phone about my goals, dreams, ambitions. talking to her about the dresses i would wear when i go to la. and how i would try my best. thinking,knowing, that she would be around to hear if i succeeded or not…and i told her i loved her….and that was the last time id ever hear her voice….

she sounded…not sick. just like grandma…and thats why i was so confused when my cousin came to my room and gave me the news….it just didnt make sense. then again nothing ever goes the way we plan it to. but she knew…she told us all that she would not be around for thanksgiving…

at least she went the way she wanted to. my grandma never wanted to die imobal, hooked up to machines and such. she wanted to live life to the fullest, and then just go. and thats what she did.

so i cried for a while, talked to some friends to get my mind off the pain i was feeling inside….and now im pulling myself together. saturday morning i leave for the funeral, and  my grandpa needs all of us to be strong for his sake. this is harder on him then it is on any of us. and i need to be there for him more than ever now.

i dont know what my grandpa is going to do now without her. and hes definitely healthy. i mean, hes fricken 80 years old and can ride a bike 50 miles! sigh. i cant even do that. my dad and my brother cant do that! sigh….things are never going to be the same now. holidays, family reunions. its going to be weird….

i love you grandma, and ill miss you always.