Off to Florida

Caught a very early flight down to Ft. Lauderdale. It was pleasant enough but my ears hurt some because of an infection that’s trying to set in. I saw the doctor yesterday and he prescribed antibiotics but I still am coughing and feel lousy. Fortunately I got a good potent cough syrup and that helped stave off some of the pain in my ears during the flight.

When I got to Mom’s she was in a robe and sitting in a wheelchair. She has not yet been able to stand up on her own or walk. She has had round the clock help since her fall. Nothing is broken but her right ankle was sprained last week and her foot was bruised and twisted.

I learned the ropes very quickly. Having been a nurse’s aid all through high school and a candy-striper before that (all in a nursing home, so it was all with geriatric patients) I pretty much knew how to take care of mom anyway. It’s just a little trying when it’s your own mother. Although I don’t find it difficult to put on a chipper and sensible mask, hoist her up, get her on the commode, help her hike up her robe and pull down the Depends – I’ll spare you the rest of the details, etc., inside I’m feeling a mixture of revulsion, depression, horror, sympathy, and grief. At the same time there is empathy, compassion, love and gratitude. I’m glad to be able to help her. I love her and it’s good for a “child” to be able to do something for their parents, even a 51 year old child. It is good for one’s self-esteem at ANY age to be a genuine help to a parent. On the other hand, it is tough at ANY age to see a parent powerless and naked, sagging and vulnerable. So the feelings are mixed and all this on top of not being at my best physically. My doctor says I shouldn’t be contagious though, because of the antibiotics. I’ve also been really careful with hand washing and trying to swab down things that I’ve touched.

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