Preaching

If I ever preach (it used to be when, but who knows what will happen at the church), I will be sure to wear those devil shoes and then, when I get up to speak I will come out from behind the pulpit and show these shoes off.  I will say to everybody that I wore these devil shoes.  I will tell them about my experience and that when I wear these shoes, I’m either feeling vain or in pain.  Then, I will kick off the shoes and say, “There, NOW I can focus on what God wants me to do.”  And I will urge everybody to do the same.  They should each kick off whatever is capturing the attention of their minds so they can focus on God.  If it’s shoes… take ’em off.  If it’s problems, shed them for a moment.  If it’s an uncomfortable jacket, tie, or item that can be removed (and they will stay decent), get rid of it!  Then I’ll start my sermon.

And my sermon may actually be on food!  A couple of days ago, Pastor B. and I were talking.  We were discussing what we each might end up doing when/if Pastor C. comes back.  I told her that I needed to be fed the word and I didn’t want it with any chemical additives. I didn’t want anything that was genetically altered and I didn’t even want the stuff with antibiotics in it. I just needed the pure, natural, unadulterated word.

She looked at me and said, “I think that’s what your trial sermon will be about! Listen to you preach,” or something like that.  And she said it twice, about the trial sermon.  So I thought, she’s right, I should do a Bible study on the word/food.  I got to thinking too about how you know you’re ARE really getting the word.  You have to test it and you have to test it by the spirit.  I guess you can test the speaker and the spoken word by the fruit.  If it’s fruit is good, then it is of God.  And the fruit has to be good in season and out of season… after all, Jesus withered the fig tree that didn’t bear fruit even though it was not the time for that.  When I first read that story, I really thought Jesus was being sort of tempermental, mean and unfair.  After all, it wasn’t even the tree’s time to be bearing fruit!  But it didn’t matter, Jesus wanted fruit to be borne NOW.  Those trees that hold back will wither.  And those that bear fruit out of season will be called a miracle.

I think my trial sermon will be on all of that.  If Iever have one.  But, you know, I’m not worried about it.  If Jesus wants me to preach, I’ll be in a pulpit someday.  And if He doesn’t, then I shouldn’t preach anyway.  And if Jesus wants me to write, instead, He will give me the words in written form and I will put them down on paper. I just feel it welling up inside me.  He has a purpose for me.  I don’t know what it is and I’m getting on in years if you really think about it.  But God has some purpose in His divine plan that includes me and even some of the most trivial things I do.  I just can’t see it now.  One of the things that has come to me as good during this time of trial is my realization that I must be very careful in everything I do for God to not let SELF and,especially, pride get in the way.  I’m concerned that if I gave a good word or wrote a good passage, I would get caught up in the praise of other people.  I already know that I sort of covet that “minister”title because it will make me feel validated.  When I first had my interview with the Pastors I even said that I felt like the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz.  He was already smart and just needed the diploma so he could FEEL smart.  I felt like I was called to the ministry and just needed the license so I could be free to do the things that I wanted to do in ministry.  Now I realize I was so wrong.  This journey has nothing to do with the license anymore.  It has very little to do with my human pride or desire for a title any longer.  I don’t even care now if I ever hold a title, a license or even get in a pulpit.  All I want is to have a closer walk with God.  I want to please Him.  I want to have a better intimacy with Him.  And if it is His will, I want to do it.  And I’m glad because this is definately the better way.  I feel like I can stop running running running to impress people.  Instead I’m taking a walk and smelling the roses and REALLY meeting God.  I like to do things quickly. I’m sort of an action person.  God knows that and will use that as needed, but lately He’s been very clear in telling me that NOW is not the time for action. NOW is the time to WAIT.  That’s hard for me. No one knows how much I want to intervene in this situation with Pastor.  No one knows how tempted I’ve been to call the authorities or the IRS or anything to try to prevent him from being a church leader at this time, but God has made it so clear to my spirit that this is HIS business, not mine.  And I have obeyed (a miracle in itself).  I think of Peter when he said, “Shall we call down fire on them, Master?”  Reading the Bible it’s  so easy to say, “Gee, what a fool… he doesn’t get it at all,” but I’m a worse fool and only the Holy Spirit is able to reach me enough to make me stand and wait and let God do what God does best… act on His and Our behalf.  If it is His will for Pastor to come back, so be it.  I just await my instructions from the Lord.  He has made it clear that I don’t need to stay and sit under the teachings of this deceitful man, but I should not take HIS matters into MY hands.  And I’m getting used to mellowing out.