fears that are real

Everything that I knew that would happen when My mother died, just happened.

However, she is still alive and at the very least perhaps this helps me

It helps me toward the end more than I thought it would.

I have always known that my step sister would cut me out, that the only family I have ever known would just drop me.

I don’t know how long this will last, but half of me is happy that it’s happened now..  like I’m free

Maybe this new habit that I am discovered will help speed up the process.

 

How long can someone be alone?    should I look for ways to end the fear?  Because that is really all that is stopping me

 

 

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March 13, 2019

Actually simply living with the fear helps you deprogram it. I’ve been almost totally alone for 12 yrs now. I have an autistic, nonverbal son living with me but that’s it. I was terrified of being alone but I knew it would happen. I was the family outcast. When my parents died I was the outsider. Finally got close to my brother and he died last year. I learned to treasure my “aloneness”. I Like the quiet. It lets me think what I want to think.