‘Ah/But I’m Singing Like a Bird/About it Now’
I am considering to myself that Mister coming home and medium-firmly requesting<not quite demanding> a sincere dick sucking is pretty big early progress for us. My responding with immediate reactions of delight and enthusiasm are a small, stable component of growing surety for him to be brave. His developing practice of cutting me off mid-suck is infuriatingly effective already, looked at objectively.
‘I couldn’t whisper
When you needed it shouted
Ah
But I’m singing
Like a
Bird
‘Bout it now’
It’s such early days for this dynamic development; it’s a bigger gamble right now for him than it ever will be again<hopefully> to actually dare to try out flexing the strength of his command. Each request now holds profound trepidation for him. He is not yet at all <emotionally>sure he won’t be rejected or mocked or embarrassed. He needs time and practice and to get an accumulated body of affirming acquiescences and enthusiastic compliances established as the new baseline response to expressing his wants and needs plainly. He needs to build a foundation of comfort in making demands. I remind myself<I remind myself> that all these changes that I am extremely ready for all at once, he still needs time to acclimate to exploring beyond only in conversation.
‘The words
Hung above
But never would form
Like a cry
At the final
Breath that is drawn
Remember me
Love
When I’m
Reborn
As the shrike
To your sharp
And glorious thorn’
In the community, there are always cautions about newly active subs wanting to pursue every possible permutation of subbing and compliance at once. Intellectually, I know this is also for me sub frenzy but I am hungry. J’ai trop faim. Trying to keep the burning ravenousness smoothed out of my fingers and my starry eyes. Trying not to pull too hard for too much before he even knows what kinds of dynamics he wants to pursue or how to even speak his intents comfortably.
‘I’d had no idea
On what ground I was founded
All of that goodness
Is goin’ with you now
Then when I met you
My virtues
Uncounted
All of my goodness is going
With you now’
Topping from the bottom is the only thing keeping me<barely, barely> paced and patient. I was so against it for so many years because I didn’t understand that doing all the footwork for your Adversary allows him to merely choose his pleasure instead of him feeling pressured to plan and to rack his imagination over and over while still just trying to keep up with me. My providing an organized array of perfectly chosen, cleaned and cared for materials at hand makes it a lot easier for him to simply go with what he feels like trying without feeling like he’s had to come up with some complex scene. The constantly updated <half tongue in cheek>wall menu of props and services on offer means little ideas and suggestions are a glance away for him.
‘Remember me love
When I’m reborn
As the shrike to your
Sharp
And glorious
Thorn’
While I, panting, perfectly maintain my last dictated position<starting position> after he has pulled my leggings mostly back up there is a long beat where I can hear him just gazing down at me before he languidly approves me letting the pose go. And, in that long, loud silence, hearing it dawn on him that he can take his time before releasing me<and I will let him>. We can both feel these rhythms developing and building against each other beat by beat, tight as the very roots of linked trees.
‘Ah
But I’m flying
Like a bird to you now
Back to the hedgerows
Where bodies are mounted
Ah
But I’m flying
Like a bird to you
Now
I was housed by your warmth
And thus transformed
By your grounded
And giving
And darkening
Scorn’
– Hozier