She Still Seems Mad

It seems she’s still mad from the non-argument last night. Yeah, that’s why you don’t go to bed angry. Am I the only one between the 2 of us that feels that way? She always goes to bed angry instead of working it out.

So last night after she got Justin into bed, she went into her room and closed the door. When I went in there, the light was off and she was in bed. At 8:30. She normally goes to bed around 11 or 12. I didn’t know if she was just really tired or sick or mad and wanting to avoid me. This was after telling me to make my own dinner. That’s one of the last things she said to me. I sat on the bed and said, “Are you going to bed?” No answer. Was she asleep or just mad and ignoring me? I stayed there and waited for an answer for about a minute and then just left when I got none.

This morning she was up a little before I was because she had to use the bathroom. I heard her grinding coffee beans and I got up. I thanked her for making coffee. I normally make it nowadays. I got ready for work and got my coffee ready, then tried to find Nichole to hug and kiss her goodbye. She was in the room with the door closed. She was sitting on the bed and when I went in, she said, “I’m trying to get dressed.” I said, “Uh… okay…?” When she saw that I didn’t take the hint and go out, she made an annoyed breath noise and went to the closet.

I said I was leaving for work and wanting to tell her goodbye. She said, “Okay, bye then.” I asked if she was mad at me. She said she wasn’t. She gave me a hug, then went past me to get dressed. I went out of the room and kissed and hugged Justin goodbye. He’s 3. He gave me a much better farewell.

Right as I was starting to head out, Nichole came out of the room all dressed and sat on the couch. She still seemed bummed. I asked how she was feeling. She said “okay”. I asked if she was tired. She said “a little, not too much”. I approached her and rubbed her shoulders a little. Then I caressed her hair. Then her cheek. I kissed her head, then her cheek, then her lips. She seemed reluctant to accept. Not knowing what to say and not wanting to ask too many questions and make her feel interrogated and inferior, which is what I always end up doing, I just simply said “I’m sorry”. I didn’t know what I was apologizing for. I already apologized last night after it happened and I didn’t make the “mistake” of explaining my intentions and therefore invalidating my apology, either. Saying “I’m sorry” this morning seemed to evoke something in her because she made a subtle expression change and a small sound escaped her mouth. She said “okay” and gave an unsure smile.

I don’t know if she thought I was finally apologizing for the first time. We’ve had arguments where she would say that all she wanted was an apology. When I tell her that that was one of the first things I said, she doesn’t remember and then says that everything after it ruined it if I did. Well, I didn’t do that this time. I apologized last night, then just said I didn’t know what she was feeling and was trying to understand what she felt. She didn’t want me to. I didn’t try to justify anything.

So I don’t know. Is she just really emotional and having a hard time with the marriage counselor thing? Maybe that’s it. I don’t want to ask her too many questions because she feels bombarded when I do. Ugh.