problems
It’s just one of those nights when I really didn’t get out all that much, yet I feel like a lot happened.
Last night Charlie came over to hang out. It started getting into him being sad and upset about Sarah suggesting they took a break, and we tried talking about it to help him. I love being there for my friends, but lately I feel like it’s just all too much for me to handle. I have a lot on my plate right now too, but I want to help them. I feel like I have so much stress on me and honestly it is effecting my relationship with robyn.
She suggested a break too, and I told her that if that is what she wanted then fine, because you can’t force love. If there is anything I learned from my relationship with Amanda, that is it. I’m just feeling overwhelmed with bills, this broken arm, not being able to work as much as I would like, dealing with work, dealing with people at work, being there for my friends, being there for my girlfriend. Sometimes I just wish I could curl up in a closet and just forget about everything and everyone. Which Is why I have dabbled into meditation. I came across it because of charlie, and i will and have to give him credit on that.
Meditation has been helping me with my elbow pain from the broken arm, it has been helping me relax thru some hard times, however it has been giving me frightful dreams. Dreams so real and horrifying you cannot fathom them. Have you ever seen the movie the ring? the Way i like to describe these dreams I have, are like the clips from the movie in the ring. So many random things, coming and going, but all I can feel is the feeling of fear. One that stands out is this giant black rectangle area. yet there is this white bridge that I can see even though I know I am far away from it. Yet I can see it in great extravagant detail. It’s so shiney and white, yet everything around it is black. Then these two white human figures dressed in white hooded robes, and you can see a blue sash on the hood. they walk so slowly, yet I pay attention to their every detail. Every footstep, of every movement they make. They eventually get to the end and you think they are just gonna vanish into the darkness, yet they stop… both of them slowly move their heads towards my view, and glare. They glare so deep into me, I feel that they can see into my soul. yet as soon as they look at me they are gone into the darkness. I wish I was artistic, The image is so clear in my head I almost wish I could trace it.
I need to rest… I think I am going insane