It’s been awhile.

After not going to therapy for a few months, now that I think of it’s, it’s almost been a year, I’ve started again. I had to. Idk why I get sucked into the this emotional, mental abyss. I start to get lost and start thinking about death, and losing the people I love. I literally depress myself. Why? Things are going, I mean, we’re struggling, but doesn’t everyone? Sometimes I feel like I’m failing. My kid always asks for me to spend time with her, but I end up watching tv til I knock out instead. In the morning I feel guilty. I’m just always tired. I’m always frustrated. I’m always down. Even when I’m laughing and having a good time, I’m still down. So sometimes I rather be alone. That makes me feel horrible. So today, I let her do make up on me. I hope she sees that I’m trying and that I feel bad. I love her so much, the last thing I want is for her to grow up believing that I didn’t want to spend time with her.