I started taking laxatives. That’s gross. I’m so obsessed with this. I had to go get my hair fixed today, and all during it I was thinking about food and planning my purges.
I work this weekend. No one there knows except one person, and no one anywhere else knows. I trust her and she’s one of my favorite persons, so I told her because it was scaring me a little bit that I was doing this. She said I should get help, but it’s too hard to talk to a therapist/stranger. I’d maybe talk to one psychiatrist that I know, but not yet. I want to be perfect at work, and do my job organized and not be behind or say the wrong things. I’m so far from perfect and I get frustrated I’m not better. I love my job though, and I’m so thankful that I get along with everyone I work with. I don’t think anyone really has any major issues or problem with me even though I’m inadequate. I wish everyone liked me though. I am the weakest link at work, but I think I’m slowly getting better.
Anyway I don’t know why I need to throw up some things that have so little calories. For breakfast I had a bouillon soup cube and oatmilk yogurt. Total calories were about 150. But I didn’t like it inside me so I had to get rid of it. I didn’t eat anything else today. I’m drinking my kombucha and it’s getting close to dinner. I should be studying for my class but I’m obsessing over this. It’s been harder to concentrate on class, I lost a little passion for it, but I want it back.
My cousins are visiting soon. I LOVE them. When I had graduated college, they came up just for me to visit me. I will hide this from them.