Where Have You Been?

One of you asked me this not too long ago.

Where have I been. How do you sum up almost a year and a half? Im there, Im here, Im everywhere and no where at the same time. Life, to say the least was real interesting there for awhile. Moving to our new house meant a clean slate with new faces and living in a home where my privacy wasnt ripped to pieces. Finding out down the road I was still being watched after my court date and was let go without a conviction, but forever marred by a criminal record, misdemeanor with a big, florescent P for prostitute. I was trying to deal with that when I found out that because of that, because of the choices I made, I was no longer eligable to chapperone for my little boys at school. It meant I couldnt work with the church in the religious education department. Not so much because I would work with the children, my crime had nothing to do with children but the fact that now I have a permenant record. We live in the most judgmental country in the world folks.

So, here I am. There is me in my profile picture as I am now….except since I took that pic 2 weeks ago Ive cut my bangs. That’s me as a mere mortal. I say that because after losing "Lauren" I had to go back and learn what I was supposed to be doing before I became immortal. Boy was I wrong. Immortals dont follow the same rules as the rest of you. Immortals dont die or feel pain. We are strong, resilient, we live through the passage of time without being touched.

Then, I had to wake the fuck up. I live in Stepford-wifeville. Everything in its neat little places, with those garden flags in the yards and sunny flowers planted oh-so nicely spaced around the mailboxes. I said to myself…this is a new beginning, you are no longer the Goddess you protrayed yourself to be. You are no longer the ruler of your own universe. So dont tell anyone who your "were" and you’ll be good. So I havent done that. I feel like Im living in some witness protection program or something…acting normal and good and take my wonderful children to their football games and wave at the other identical stepford-wives who surround my little suburbia. Go to potlucks and have quiant conversations.

Sometimes I feel like im going to explode but then I remember how lucky I am, that my husband didnt throw me out, that I didnt lose my family. Whoa-is-me.

Im ok. Really I am. Those are just the thoughts in my head but overall life is good I guess. We will just take it from here, and Ill come back and keep coming back to tell you my story.

Glad to see you all are still here.