really living

Summertime is here again and all i want to do is breathe it in. we went fishing yesterday until the sun went down. rolled the truck windows down and felt the wind rush through my fingers as we rode in comfortable silence away from the lake and its mysteries. his eyes explored mine with that familiar twinkle and in that moment of twilight we both knew that we were really living. 



I have a sad thought that so rudely interrupts the most beautiful moments in my life. I feel everything so deeply and it all becomes too much to bear. how can i waste such a large portion of my life sleeping and punching a time clock? there will always be work to be done and beds to hide in. but only ever one day like today. if I waste it, i will never get the chance to do it again. if I am alive in 70 years, most of the people I love won’t be. and i know that my heart will long for even a few more minutes of the blissful mundane parts of life that are so easily taken for granted today.

Like holding my husbands hand as we drive down the road in silence. one day, one of us will be left behind, the passenger seat empty, a cold empty space on the other side of the bed, and it will be unbearable. and I know it does no good to borrow heartache from tomorrow, but i cannot seem to banish the feeling no matter how hard i try. 




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June 6, 2013

RYN. Thank you. I am as healthy as my medication allows me to be. My daughter says, in jest, I will live forever. I am still quite active. I volunteer daily at my local library so have many acquaintances and several good friends with whom I lunch frequently. Your entry above made me recall the book, “The Unbearable Lightness of Being” The joy of life.

June 30, 2013

As of late, I do that when I’m awake. I can lucid dream too with some control over the dream if I really try, but usually I just let a dream happen the way I wants to because it feels more right that way.