Oh my dear lord.
I have to get the “OMG I haven’t posted since 2012” out of the way first. And I know that OD went away for a while and came back, so some of that absence wasn’t my fault. STILL. I’VE HAD THIS DIARY SINCE 2001 AND I STILL WRITE IN IT. I feel like that’s a big thing, because I have all of my developmental memories – how I perceived things when I was younger, following up into high school, and then in college and onward.
I’m 31 years old now. Time fucking flies. Being in my 30s is weird. I’m still considered young, but I’m just starting to feel so old. I’m achey and tired all the time. The world feels like it’s crumbling around me. I would have never dreamed in 2001 that the future would look like this. It got so much worse.
For now I’m not going to focus on the state of the world at the moment – that’s gonna be a long ass post for the future. I guess what’s on my mind right now is how to move forward with my mental illness and what I can do to work on it. I thought reviving the diary and learning to write in it frequently like I did I high school might help me.
Today I feel okay. I’ve been insanely tired lately, and I’ve been sleeping a lot. I still need to find a new job, I just hate the idea of doing something that I’m not passionate about. But all the things I’m passionate about aren’t hiring, or I need more experience/schooling.
Need to get going for now, will update later.