So I know I am awful at keeping a diary. I’m no longer gonna try to do any regular writing, I just tend to pick it back up when I have something relevant to say.
WOW. So I’ve had this online diary for over TEN YEARS. That is pretty crazy…I actually remember the times I actually DID write in it regularly…I would usually write in it after swim practice and before school started. Sometimes during my study hall periods. I barely remember most of what went on, but looking back on my diary entries it brought back old memories. Some of them good…but to be honest, most of them bad. I wasted all my time and energy in high school worrying about boys. Silly me.
Looking back on it all, all I can really do is laugh. Laugh at my naivety…and maybe even shake my head. If only I knew then what I do now…things would have been a lot different, and things would have been handled a lot better. I mean, obviously that is simply a part of growing up…you live and you learn…but I guess I just wish that I had listened to people sooner. You never expect to hear yourself say in the future that you were wrong a lot of the time. Life is pretty funny like that.
Looking back, the parts I regret the most was being publicly bitchy about my friends…especially Joanna. I was really judgmental…and I was amazed at how mean I was in the entries I wrote about her when I was upset. I mean, I know the diary was meant to write what was on my mind…but it was the opposite of tactful.
Of all the boys I seemed to have dated in high school, I look back on my relationship with Owen and that is the one that I feel the most guilty about. Owen liked me for so long…and it took me a while to warm up to liking him back, but he was very loyal and genuinely cared about me, and I tossed him away like trash. And I had the nerve to call him an ass after the breakup. He had every right to be mad at me, and I was definitely trying too hard to become his friend again after the breakup. I guess it just felt very desperate, very pressing that I keep his friendship…maybe because I knew all along what I was losing. But of course, all of these feelings never occurred to me then…it’s only now that you look back on things and wish you could go back in time and change yourself.
Also for the record, I was appalled at my spelling and grammar. Something that I thought I prided myself on…I mean, most stuff was just to be silly…but there were definitely sentences where I was trying to be serious and I misspelled something horribly. SHAME! 🙂
Anyways, just in case this diary is still around in 10 years…this is what is going on currently that you should know about.
1) You’re still married to Mike…been married for about 2 years and 5 months-ish.
2) Jaclyn is your roommate. She’s been so since around April of last year. She brought Otis with her, the Boston Terrier 🙂
3) You have a cat named Patch. He is a year and half almost. You used to have a cat named Milo, but you had to put him down due to a sudden and unexpected illness.
4) You’re unemployed, but considering going back to school to study counseling. I hope by the time you read this, you have graduated successfully and gotten a decent job.
5) You love your Xbox and Kinect. Mike is currently addicted to Skyrim. You are currently addicted to Dance Central 2.
6) Also…remember My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic? I hope for your sake that the series are still ongoing…because let’s face it. You will probably always be a kid on the inside. Your favorite character started out as Pinkie Pie, but now you seem to like all the ponies. ALL THE PONIES! 🙂
7) You liked anime. Hopefully you still do. By the time you finish watching all the animes you want to see, you will probably be an old geezer in your 90s.
8) Hopefully you are still trying to stay in good physical shape. You try to go to your gym as often as you can (Lifestyle Family Fitness). It recently got bought out by Life Time Fitness. So hopefully you are still attending that gym, or something like it. Maybe you live somewhere else now. I hope you get out of Indiana at some point because Indiana kind of sucks.
9) Your friend Rachael got married. You were one of her bridesmaids. You wore the color blue, representing Sailor Mercury 🙂
10) You were an active member and moderator of a site called The Compassion Pit. It was a site for people to vent their problems to listeners. You could choose to be the venter or listener. Hopefully that site is still successful and hopefully you are still moderating. Maybe you don’t have time to. Hopefully you haven’t forgotten about it though. You met some really nice people there 🙂
11) Owen’s father died on November 13 this year. You went to the visitation and Celebration of Life ceremony. It was very sad for you personally since you had known him quite well in the past, and also because he was an emergency room doctor that had helped your family members a few times.
12) You like electronic music. Who knows if that was a phase or not, but that is what you liked as of this time period.
AND that’s all I can think about for this time being. No promises that I can keep this diary going regularly. I’ll simply post when I feel something is relevant.