round and round

it is my tradition today, to set down and watch Little Shop of Horrors.
Suddenly Semore is my favorite song in the show…

There is hope and understating and healing and i cry like i’m 3 years old and the dog stole my ice cream…

its easier to be broken than it is to try and fix myself. i know that i’m safe in my insecurity. i know that the constant churning in the middle of my chest is familiar and warm and it wont leave me. it will always be there to give me a foundation to fall from when ever i get too comfortable with life.

i know it all sounds very childish and self serving, but when you think about it, any measure of success that we carve out for ourselves is only fleeting. the important things in life com from the interactions we have with our loved ones. Children, spouses, family their all there to make your life better than it was.
Picture life as a foggy river we all float upon. We re all one light, and as we go, the people we bring along with us are all separate lights who widen our field of vision on the river. Soon, the entire world is able to be seen, through the light they provide and the light we provide for them…

my light is very dim and singular and i am okay with that memory because i am familiar with it…

i knew love once, true unabashed love because i was there kind of love… nothing can replace it, i dont want it to be.

nothing can repair it, i’ve tried…

i am in no was a saint, no way above reproach and when the sun rises on the ending of my day and i shrink from the brightness it is because i chose many years ago to leave the healing light of day for the distant cold embrace of solitude and broken things…

the only forgiveness i seek is from someone i left behind so many years ago… for something i was supposed to do didnt…