It’s Official

I transferred half of my savings to my checking account so that I could be an official member of the OD community! I should have donated over the years, for what I got out of it. But I’m grateful that I didn’t have to. I’m not even really that salty that I had to pay to continue using the site. Usually something like that will just make me quit using a service forever.

I haven’t really had much money, ever. I make the most I ever have in my entire life currently, and I’m still on public assistance. That’s what happens when you’re single and have a baby at 19 and don’t belong to a rich family, I guess.

But here I am! Trying to make it until payday. Supposed to get paid on the 20th, but that’s a Sunday, and we get paper checks overnighted from the corporate office via FedEx, who don’t deliver on Sundays. Or my company won’t pay the extra fees to do so, I’m a little unclear on the facts. But hopefully the lady who does the payroll gets it done quickly and correctly this time, maybe I will get paid a day or two early again!

I’m going to have to buy food before then. And possibly a pot to cook in. My son made dinner on Mother’s Day. He was about to boil pasta when the pot exploded on him, while I was at work. He accidentally used the burner that exploded a different pot a month or so ago, so the pot that exploded this time was my new pot. I wasn’t upset with him, though. He still made me a Mother’s Day dinner.

Hopefully I can avoid having to buy gas for the car, as well.

I mean… I could afford it… but I’m eating up all of my meager savings. Trying to get better at saving money, but it’s hard when you just need stuff.

I think I need OD, though. I feel like I should be spewing all my feelings and thoughts and complaints all over my diary’s pages. Half of what I’ve put up with over the past 12 years — I wonder if I’d have put up with it if I wrote out what was going on. The problem is writing it out in a clear, level-headed manner. I can’t stand the way I wrote the old entries I saw here. I was really just lashing out. It wasn’t constructive.

I’m a believer in creating my own reality, to some extent. If I get bent on complaining about how terrible things are, I expect to feel really, really bad and start treating those around me really, really bad. People often comment on how sweet I am and “aww… just such a ray of sunshine!” It’s because somebody’s gotta be optimistic. Somebody’s gotta point out the good things.

Now the challenge is to:

1. Make a habit of posting regularly.
2. Put together a comfortable area to type.
3. As I get comfortable with sharing this many words all at one time out of my own synaptic transmissions – be constructive in my posts.

I really need to work on getting to know myself again.