NBD

 I had a dream about Kevin last night…I woke up angry.  Go figure.  I really hate that I feel so much happier these days than I did while I was with him, and yet he still invades my sub/unconscious.  We ended in such a weird and open ended way I think it still nags at me…like I expect to hear from him at some point, I don’t know when or how, but I just know I will.  It’s not that I’m waiting for it, I’m really not…I just feel unfinished.  No closure.  I don’t need closure to move on–I have moved on and I feel great.  But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about him sometimes.  Most of the time its in the hindsight is 20/20 ‘i cant believe when he did that to me and i cant believe i stayed with him for so long’ kind of way.  But sometimes I remember him fondly and miss him…the good things.  I wonder how he’s doing and what he’s doing and if he’s happy.  It’s all innocent and normal enough, I suppose.  I just hate it. 🙂

I think the thing with Jeremy is fizzling out…no big deal.  I figured it would happen.  It doesn’t seem like men my age really care to make an effort these days…and really, without an effort from him, I don’t want it.  We still talk, but I notice a difference…I think the novelty has worn off for him and he’s at the "shit, this chick could be a lot of work that I’m not sure I want to put in" point.  The men in this city/area suck.  Men here can get what they want from women instantaneously and with plenty of others waiting in the wings…everyone’s looking for the next best thing.

I’ve got a busy weekend ahead–Jenny’s visiting, yay!  Class is ending, so I’ve got to run…will write soon.