Rip our love

Having him out of my life feels great, sadly. I mean, I still cry, but it gets easier. I can go on with my day without thinking about him the whole time. I mean, I still think about him a lot. But it’s not as it used to be. I still think, “We could be here together; I wish I could show him this; I wish I could talk to him; I wish I could tell him what I’m going through,” but I know how we are. I think if he were to come back, I would be able to push him away. He was right; talking to him does make me feel worse; it hurts me worse too. So it’s better to forget he exists. I think our love is dead, and as much as I want it so bad, it should remain that way. Even if we got back together, nothing would change or get better. Either way, he’s probably very happy with his girlfriend. I miss him a lot. I miss him terribly, but I have to move on. I’m doing better not talking to him. It makes me happy we didn’t workout as friends; it hurts, but when we were friends, I expected a message from him all the time, expected him to answer me like he loved me, expected him to be nice, as when we were dating, when he would treat me delicately, but that was a waste of expectation because I knew it wouldn’t be the same. He made me cry a lot. I would hurt a lot, but I didn’t want to leave him or push him away. Now I’m starting to realize that when he’s out of my life, I don’t cry as much, and I get better until it falls apart when he decides to randomly come back. I hope he doesn’t come back; if he does, I have to let him go. I don’t know if I would be able to do that. I don’t think he would come back, but I know he will. Soon he will come back, asking how I’m holding up. I don’t even know why he asks that if he knows the answer is clear. But I’m okay; I’m not crying as much, maybe every 3 days, and that’s great. I have prom next week. I’m excited and sad. It’s a sign that my high school year is coming to an end, and it makes me sad because me and him said we would go together. We had so much sh*t planned. But things happen for a reason, right? I just hope God has great plans for me. I’m looking forward to graduating.