24. More on that stuff

I got to my therapists office today and there was someone else in the waiting room waiting for him, turns out there was a scheduling mixup. I’m still feeling a little “numb” or mentally disoriented from the other day so even though I probably NEEDED to go in there more than ever, I offered my appointment spot to the other girl in there. Maybe next week I’ll be ready to talk.

After that whole incident the other day I took Addys phone and went through it and found some disturbing things she was saying about me, that really hurt me, but it wasn’t her that hurt me because it was the truth. She wasn’t being mean, but it hurt. It kinda forced me to look at some other aspects of me that aren’t so favorable. I’m also not ready to talk to my shrink about this either, but I’m thankful for this being called to my attention. If it weren’t for that reality check, I wouldn’t even HAVE the opportunity to work on it.

at the end of the day, I’m ridiculously proud of my daughter. She’s so strong and so wise and resilient. I hate that she got stuck with me as a parent when she deserves so much better. I wish I could undo the last several years and do them over again the right way.

anyway, that’s all