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10. Just going to spill it.

September 14, 2021
First of all, I’ve been having a weird conflict with myself about how updating this thing feels like narcissism to me. Like It’s saying “hey everyone, look at me, I’m important, this is stuff you should all care about because it’s me! Blah blah blah”   Writing on here has actually helped me ...
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Recent Entries

  • 9. Short term goals and shit
    September 11, 2021
    So I’m working with a shrink on the heavy stuff, like childhood trauma and deeply rooted issues and shit, but at LEAST once a day I’m using google to help me with the smaller stuff. Joined a message board online (did you know those were still a thing?)  and two things I picked up from…
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  • 8. Follow up and my next steps
    September 10, 2021
    Follow up to my last post. I talked to that ex and it wasn’t as fulfilling of a conversation as I was hoping, as very little insight was provided because it’s been so long. But it’s okay. I’m still focusing on NOW. His wifey was telling me to stop “beating myself up” about the past…
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  • 7. Looking back
    September 8, 2021
    Been spending a lot of time looking back on my past fuckups. A good deal of this entry has already been hand written in my journal at home, because a lot of it is stuff I want to keep private. one thing I’ve been looking at is past fuckups in relationships, not to beat myself…
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  • 6. More dreams
    September 5, 2021
    Had this dream that I was dating this guy that I used to hook up with back in the day… super nice guy, but I was just out of a relationship and he was in the middle of a weird divorce (he and his ex wife were still friends and still lived together but it…
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  • 5. My insecurity is my security blanket
    September 4, 2021
    I don’t wanna make this too long, I will try to keep this brief. It’s also not a pity party, I’m just getting to know myself better and “typing out loud.”   TL;DR- I hate myself. What are some ways to feel better about yourself when you hate 98% of the things about you?  …
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  • 4. First session with a new therapist
    September 1, 2021
    I’ve seen quite a few of them over the years. Just as I was going back to an old location to see my old therapist, she’s leaving. The one they brought in though, I saw him as a teenager, but only once. I usually don’t like male therapists, but this ones good. He’s really easy…
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  • 3. Dreams….
    August 31, 2021
    8/31/21 I’ve had this recurring dream throughout my entire life that I’m on a bridge and I can see it and know it’s going to be a really steep drop. In the dream I can actually feel it as though I’m on a roller coaster and it usually wakes me up. Scares the shit out…
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  • 1.5 Hold up…
    August 31, 2021
    I wrote another entry, but haven’t published it. In it, I went into the timeline of my life, all of the stupid shit that’s happened, all of the stupid shit I’ve done, everything leading to where I’m at now and why I am this fucking horrible. In reading back what I wrote, I made a…
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  • Asset 6
    1. Let there be… PROGRESS!!
    August 31, 2021
    I'm not entirely sure where to start with this or who my target audience will be, outside of a select few people here and there. At least that's what it started as, but the more I think about it, the more I really kind of want it out there. Not in a "look at me…
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