I’ve seen quite a few of them over the years. Just as I was going back to an old location to see my old therapist, she’s leaving. The one they brought in though, I saw him as a teenager, but only once. I usually don’t like male therapists, but this ones good. He’s really easy to talk to and is actually pretty funny. I told him everything I could fit in in an hour, and he said “man, it really sounds like you have a storm going on in there”… I couldn’t have said it better!! Next week we are going to start talking about some important things and I already can’t wait. For this week he just told me to write some things down, which I did in my phone (well, I texted it to myself because I always forget how to find the notes thing on my phone)
today, I’m cleaning. I didn’t do shit for like a week, and when I finally did get up, I was working. I’m taking the night off and cleaning and watching South Park. I cleaned my car and did my hair and makeup and I already feel a little better. it’s the little things.
I still miss HIM. I hate that I hurt him so much, I hate even more that it happened a bunch of times. I don’t miss those times. What I DO miss is the way he said “L.A.” and “bribing” him to practice his guitar and how excited he was to see me when I surprised him at his gigs (I’ll never forget how excited he looked when he saw me. That man makes me melt.) and him playing with his beard hair with his teeth and texting each other whenever we would see a puppy (all dogs are puppies, by the way, I don’t care how big or old they are. They’re puppies, damnit!!) This rain is making me think about him because he loves the rain so much.
Every single night I have missed having my arm around him when we fell asleep. I’ve been sleeping on the couch because my bed makes me miss him more. I still feel broken.
That’s all for now.