Taking Blame

When my son gets angry sometimes he takes it out on those closest to him. He says things that are hurtful. Yesterday he got mad at me for saying that I was going to be stressed out having Isaiah stay with us for a long period of time. From there he just spiraled on ti other things. He said that it’s my fault he sells pot and can’t see his aunt’s and cousins as well as his dad’s girlfriends family. Apparently the aunts and cousins kabir he sells pot and don’t want him around them. And his dad doesn’t want his girlfriends family around him for the same reason. He said that at one point he was training in the gym in boxing (which he was) and that he had been training to get in shape to go to the military (which he was) but that he gave all that up for me and started selling pot to get us moved out of the place we were living. I couldn’t afford to move yet I also couldn’t afford to stay where we were. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I cried alot. He started selling pot alittle before that but really put his all into it around that time. I didn’t want him to. I always told him that was a bad idea and that he’d get caught and end up in jail but he did it anyway. Then he came to me with the money saved up to be able to move. I only accepted it because I had no other option and he insisted that he wanted us to move too. I told him I couldn’t afford to pay it back and he said he didn’t want it back. He just wanted us to be happy and be able to not struggle.  (I had previously been doing fine but a new landlord took over our apt and raised the rent an additional $200 a month and began charging an additional $25 per air conditioner running. We had 3). Even after we moved and got settled he still continued selling. He helped me again when the water tank quit and with groceries one month when I didn’t recieve child support. But that money I paid back to him in full plus some. I asked him many times to just give it up and get a real job but he refused because he could make more money and faster doing this. So he blamed me for losing some family abus the loss of going to the military and boxing training. He had me crying. It hurt for him to say those things. I would never had accepted the money from him to move if he hadn’t insisted. I don’t know what would have happened but I would have figured something out eventually. I never wanted him to give up going to the military or his real job that he had for a few months. It’s not right that he’s blaming this stuff on me. And why can’t he still do those things now? He could quit selling (which he’s barely been doing anyway) and start going to the boxing gym again getting in shape to go to the military and start his training again in boxing. There’s really no reason why he couldn’t. I know he was mad and just taking it out on me but it still hurts. 

Enough about that. I have a few errands to run in this horrible heat. We have a heart wave this week as well as past of last week. 90-95°. My sir continued takes a long ass time to cool my upstairs bedroom. I turned the air on at 6pm last night and went up at 8pm and it was cooler than the hallway but still very hot. It didn’t cool to comfortable until about 10pm. My downstairs air conditioner is awesome, wish the bedroom one was better. Anyway, I have to run to Rulli bros and get all my meats and produce as well as all my moms meat and produce. Then I have to go to Sam’s Club and get cars of water as well as other stuff for me and pick up a case of water for my daughter. Then I have to drop off the food to my mom and the water to my daughter. Then come home and seperate all my meats into daily dinner portions. And still have to do the dishes and make dinner. Busy, busy…

Well I  guess I’ll get started on all that now. Have a good day and stay cool!