Lilypie At 7 Months

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h seriously makes me wonder if I’ve had undiagnosed clinical depression all this time and I’ve just got very good at hiding it.

Who knows? The fact remains I’m ashamed of it. I’m guilty about it. I’m horrified it’s gone on so long. But at least I’m trying to do something about it now. Better late than never.

I’ll post my progress in amongst other entries because I know those of you who have no experience of addiction won’t understand the hold it has and I don’t want it taking over my diary – I’ve written screeds of private entries in here trying to get my feelings down on paper in the hope it might purge stuff but I don’t know if it’s helped or not.

If you’ve got this far thank you for sticking with me – I just needed to get this out.

It’s been a long time coming.

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Aww, the last one brought a tear to my old eyes. Charming stuff. FIngers and toes crossed that there isn’t another quite so soon.

May 18, 2013

Give her this: Three shoes, one sock and no hairbrush by Rebecca Abrams. The most honest book I have ever read about what having two kids is like and how much it differs from having just one. http://www.amazon.com/Three-Shoes-One-Sock-Hairbrush/dp/0304354295 Lily is so lovely, I can see why she might be tempted, though.

May 18, 2013

Yes, they change so quickly at that age. Every day they seem to learn something new. I can’t believe that Nikki is thinking of having another one already!! RYN. I hear from Alex occasionally. I just went on Facebook and she came on and asked me what I was doing. I said I was cleaning the kitchen and she said ok, then asked me what I was doing again! Her reading skills are obviously still very

May 18, 2013

poor but she is at a special school now so is so much happier as she was being teased at Broxburn High.

May 18, 2013

aww she is adorable, makes me want a grandone!

oh that last picture is way too cute! Ohhhh…. And the one in the car! She’s going to be a real stunner too!

So precious!! Thank you for your note, lovely. I am having an OD friend come stay a week starting on the 27th. Running a 5k on the 1st. and then a trip planned during the first part of June. I will find someone to go with me since Brian is going to be airline occupied. I am calling in the morning and making an appointment for right after the trip to ensure that there is an opening for me and I don’t end up having to wait still longer. <3 Thank you so much for your love. I can tell you really do care and that means the world to me.

May 18, 2013

lovely

May 18, 2013

Mums looks inherited from her Nana 🙂

May 18, 2013

Marg and Nikki and Lily are in it together, for the long haul.

May 18, 2013

Adorable kid and yes, they make a lovely couple even in seperate pictures. ryn; Heh, if it had just sprung to mind I would have googled it in an instant. It’s one of those handful of memories indelibly etched into whatever part of the human being such things are etched. Looking it up — I don’t know, just seems wrong. That and when I tried looking up a different oddity of my childhood (one that certain friends will talk about from time to time) there is nothing. Zero. Zip. It was a building. Even using google earth there’s nothing there, grass, trees, shrubs where there should be – the house of the future.

May 18, 2013

^^^^I didn’t know you knew Haredawg! He may have a story to tell you about addiction to pain pills. Just an update on my progress– skip if you’re not interested, it’s okay really. I just don’t have anyone else to babble to. I’ve cut my dosage by a little more than half. Had my first major withdrawal symptoms in bed this morning. Gah. But at least I have a better idea now of minimal doses andhow to time them.

She’s a darling little cutie. Maybe Nikki will meet someone else and have another child with him? Someone more suited to her than Joel, apparently. Seems like a better idea than having another child with a father who won’t be a part of the family unit.

May 18, 2013

Seems like she was just born. Time is going too fast. She is a little doll.

I love Lily’s sweet smiles!

May 19, 2013

That cough must have been hard on you all. I am glad you two are mending. Stating the obvious here, she is one gorgeous baby. 🙂 How fun that you got to go to the pool with her and the whole crew and that you have arrangements where Trooper gets waked too (and you get a little mini break out in the damp).

RYN: Honestly? I have experienced all those emotions so many times over the last four years that I think have none left to feel. March was my rock bottom, and I think I went looking for proof to back up my instincts. I have not felt ‘love’ for him since March, if not before….. I was ridiculously sick yesterday and the day before with an IBS flare that meant I lost four pounds of fluid over night. I think that’s where a lot of this went. Above all I don’t want him to cloud my future relationships. I HAVE to believe that he is the exception, not the rule.xx

She is simply stunning!

May 20, 2013

You, as I am with my great granddaughter, are besotted by your darling baby here. I can see why, too! Enjoy! Celebrate! I don’t get to see mine often now that both parents are working…do you? Mine was 6 months old on the 10th.

ryn: yes on the curtains thing. I think that’s why her mum didn’t say anything. Mum is rushing to get the house ready so that they can move in before Father knows they are moving. He is not to know that they no longer live with Granny. But you see…they moved into a Women’s Aid house one day whilst Father was at work (Suz had had the keys for weeks and moved bits on the quiet and then she pickedup S from nursery and that was that. I understand, and it was necessary, but talk about rupture for the little one.) Father went ballistic as you can imagine. Then after two years they move in with Granny as Mum can’t pay the rent. Now after six months, moving out from Granny’s on the quiet. It’s all too much for S and that’s why the tantrum about the curtains – she didn’t want new ones – she wanted the same ones as at Granny’s house…Plus the fact that they were doing this at about 10pm. I’d’ve just moved in without the curtains to be honest, but I do understand….and so with all this going on in my mind, I realise that I wasn’t being very understanding or tolerant of little S. She really is having a difficult time and perhaps, as the adult, I should’ve been able to step back and igor

ignore the tantrums.

May 21, 2013

The place was Cavalino near Lido di Jesolo. It was the Union Lido camping site with Thomson Alfresco.I bought a Groupon offer for the week for about £100 for the accomodation for all of us in a 3 bedroomed mobile home.Then booked cheap Ryanair flights.

She is nothing short of adorable.

Thank you dear! I wasn’t ready to answer that kind of thing with her yet, but she is a smart kid. I think she can handle just about anything as long as it is presented in the proper way, if the time presents it to be necessary.

May 21, 2013

ryn: In this case we can blame Disney.

May 21, 2013

Lily is a beautiful child!! let’s hope Nikki waits to get married for the next one. ryn: i only became a semi-birdwatcher since i stopped working. i have to look up or ask someone what the birds are called. it is only this year that more birds are showing up in my area. i live in a fairly new community whose trees are now large enough to attract more birds.

May 21, 2013

ryn: a new career? no. just for fun. photography is my passion. wish i could make a little money with that.

Thank you for your lovely thoughtful notes.

May 22, 2013

Here I am worrying about the kittens being conceived in my front yard, never realizing you have fears about more grandchildren. Good Grief about Nikki, not morally, but at the myriad demands children present. That said, Lily is one precious baby in pink. Don’t you think she resembles her Dad? Good knowing he participates in her life. I’m thinking about when he last didn’t sleep with Nikki (at your place, I think it was?) and hope he’ll be the one with control. / Nikki is fortunate beyond words to have your help.

RYN: Yeah pretty much. I have a feeling that I’m going to look back on the last two years in particular and think that they were some of the hardest I’ve ever lived, but also a major turning point. Well I god damned hope so anyways!xx

May 22, 2013

Another one?!?!? OMG!!! What IS she thinking??!!! I doubt she’d be able to enjoy the unbearably gorgeous Lily as much if she had another one this soon! I don’t know how my niece with The Twins does it, although somehow she does and manages beautifully… but at least twins are at the same stage of development and not two totally different and probably conflicting stages. She might not get such a cheery one next time either!

May 22, 2013

I just realized that OMG IT IS THREE AND A HALF WEEKS BEFORE WE ARE IN ENGLAND!!! And I have never let you know our “itinerary” – mostly because it is not all that set in stone! Kim and I will be in London for sure Sunday the 16th through Saturday the 22nd. On the 23d we’re taking the train to Pewsey, where Mark will pick us up (providing he has survived a week alone in the countryside, and that he has not crashed the car… ) and we’ll all go to Marlborough. We’ve got a lot we’re wanting to do in London but no specific time frames for any of it– at least we do have a better idea of how long things take and where they are this time! The second week we’re planning quite a few daytrips, but of course the only thing we know for sure is that we will go to Glastonbury EARLY in the week as the Glastonbury Festival is that last weekend in June. London might be easier for getting together overall, but … what do you think? I really hate it’s such a long trip down for you– are you still thinking of doing it in one day? I can not BELIEVE it is coming up so FAST… I am thrilled and panicked in equal measures!

She’s a real picture in her dress and bonnet. What a charmer.

May 23, 2013

Just gorgeous! I love the sun hat 🙂

May 23, 2013

ryn: I admit I had not noticed it, but since you pointed it out I have realized there does not seem to be any evidence in the advertissemente of stoppages on your fair islands. Mark Twain wrote in Roughing It that, “I am not given to exaggeration and when I say a thing I mean it,” but that was obviously a bald-faced lie, intended to be humourous. Why he would make up the part about England and Scotland, tho, seems mysterious to me. Perhaps there was a humourous point in laying out the flaw in one clause that he claimed didn’t exist in the other. I have written dumb contradictory claims like that and chortled to myself about it as I pressed save. That’s all I can think of. Thank you for encouraging me to think.

These baby photos make me smile each time I come to this page. 🙂 I am on Wellbutrin XL. He also Rx’d Xanax for panic moments, but I don’t like to take that. Its addictive and scares me. [i dont mind at all]

(I also meant to say that I still have pretty wacky up’s and down’s. But the lows are not quite as low.)

May 24, 2013

beautiful baby

May 24, 2013

Delightful baby pics. ryn about missing tv. Sometimes I’d like HBO for movies and the 8 pm Sunday night series. But not very often.

May 24, 2013

I came here from Deve’s diary hoping to see cats and instead I see a human baby. Very cute human baby though.

May 24, 2013

RYN on size 00: Cracked me up. Thanks for the laugh.

May 25, 2013

Good to get the bronchiolitis checked out. It’s so common in wee ones and occasionally some do get admitted when it causes them breathing difficulties. Sitting in sunshine in the garden? Nice! She’s a cutie.

May 27, 2013

oh wow you’ve become a granny since i was last here.. congratulations she’s a wee darlin

Fisherman’s wife (Mattie) is facing a serious operation. Do you want to join me in sending her some cards? I know her snail mail address.

Mns
May 28, 2013

beautiful baby!