For the time being

I’ve gone Favorites Only. Honestly, I doubt I’ll stay this way, but until certain questions of mine are answered, I feel safer and actually freer this way. I have sent a message to the OD staff to see … was something like that reported? That’s really all; is this person just playing a prank, or really a responsible and kindly member of the OD community? I’ll go on from there once I know what’s what in terms of the person who left me the two notes.

My husband seems to be experiencing a very bad time right now. He will be seeking help today. He can’t seem to stop crying, and is just experiencing a lot of pain … less of the physical kind, lots of the emotional kind, over lots of things. Please keep him in thought, prayer, whatever sort of goodness your faith would have you send him.

My whitters are not among the best I’ve ever written, but I am going to post them anyway because they grew out of whatever has gone on these past couple of days. Which, compared to what my husband is experiencing, is really rather silly … you know, in the big picture. Have a good day. Mine will be. I just need to be on the alert for my husband and our children today.

The day looks as weary as me
but promises thunderstorms
grandest of spectacles
rumbling power and keen knives of lightning
to flash against the darkened air

It’s the thunder I want to enter me
shake me to the center of who I am
and then
in some Merlin-like gesture
a sweep of the arms up and out
I would send it out to clear the world
clean and make tremble this tawdry place

But we are tired
the day and I are gray with all the nonsense
sapping us of light and energy
so after slumber and night
the silence in each needful void
we will begin anew our climb toward expression
of the power we wield

~~~~~~~~~~

Are you real
or just some phantom built from bricks of boredom
strange hints that in themselves
create leering shadows and the creeping choking
grasping vine of some vague unnamed
invisible shadow of a threat
sick and sickly curiosity
dread of what if anything
the existence of some cabal
hissing pointlessly in a sea of self-fed futility

Opinions abound
tastes and preferences
mine is only one of diverse and many chronicles
low in logic and with no regard for malice
hardly worth the effort of notice
so here’s a wave to wish you well
but with no interest in your danse macabre
all right
the joke’s on me if it brings you a laugh

A new week promises clarity and calm
first tonight takes me into the temple
of nothing sullied or corruptible
don’t tell all then
tell just the milestones as they come
and watch the unfolding of other dreams
told by other voices
it’s still and always
all just the maybes in speculation

Log in to write a note
May 10, 2004

Hope you had a wonderful Mother’s Day, ME. Sending warm thoughts your way!

May 10, 2004

*hugs* I am keeping you and your husband in my thoughts, sweetie. I hope you had a happy Mother’s Day. xoxo,

Oh dear, sorry your husband is weepy. That sometimes happens after surgery. He possibly has kept many emotions contained and those are coming out now as tears. Sounds like you both need some TLC. Warm hugs

Hi sweets. I would ask the messenger for more information and if possible some evidence. I’m sorry that has happened. We take a risk writing here. That’s why I found it so difficult to be more open. I never shall be. Hope you have it sorted out soon. I would possibly have shot the messenger. But if it is well meant, you need to sure about that.

Another thought. You might find you will never be sure. Not a nice feeling to have.

I will of course, keep you both in my prayers. I feel the emotional pain also (or rather, I know what such pain feels like) – and there are times I feel like crying, but I do not, or I cannot.

May 10, 2004

Glad you are still posting for your favorites, I do not think you will ever see one of us complain about your beautiful wittiers. FYI we are leaving on our two week trip tomorrow, so you may not see a note from me for a while, as Ar-Nold stated “I`ll be baaack”

May 10, 2004

I think you’re processing these things well. So sorry re your husband, but it sounds like you’re doing a good job of maintaining your own emotional weather.

May 10, 2004

I just love your poetry! Sorry for the expressed difficulties in your family at this time.

May 10, 2004

Seems we are in need of a chat…

Buncha Hugs

May 10, 2004

i personally think those are some of your best whitters. they come from your soul, speaking with utter honesty. *holds coffee mug up in salute*

i still can’t believe anyone has a problem with you or your diary. it just amazes me! i hope hubby feels better soon. feeling depressed is no fun at all. *hugs*

May 10, 2004

*pours you a cup o’ coffee with warm hopeful wishes and encouragement stirred in*

Keeping you and your husband in my prayers. I’m sorry he is experiencing this pain. Gentle thoughts go his way. I do understand the favorites only decision. Sometimes it is what we must do to feel relatively safe here. Hugs,

Oh Sweetie, of all the gifts you can receive ……the power of prayer and friendship are most special. There are so many here, praying for you. Each in their own way, but all wishing you the best in life. I hope your Husband is feeling brighter today. Please tell him that there is a “Limie” asking after him. lolol. Take care now ….love ^A^ x.

It’s times like this that I wish this medium allowed IRL actions like doing your laundry or fixing dinner for you or something. I will keep your family in my caring thoughts, all the while wishing I could do something more.

“tell just the milestones as they come and watch the unfolding of other dreams told by other voices it’s still and always all just the maybes in speculation” I too am struggling with this concept. Is it self-preservation, or inauthenticity? is the question I ask of myself…

May 10, 2004

*hugs*

PPM
May 10, 2004
May 10, 2004

I think you are wonderful, and so are your whitters. You and your husband are in my prayers. 🙂

Oops! Just realised I never gave you the new password for Many Rivers. My apology. It’s galaxy26 You are most welcome to continue going there if you want to. Please don’t give it to Timi. I don’t want to know her. Copying a complete diary without permission is why. I’m tired of her excuses. Don’t wish to involve you or anyone. I’m not angry. Trust is gone.

*hugs*

May 10, 2004

Good thoughts to you and your husband.

May 10, 2004

Love to you always … I will keep your husband firmly in my thoughts… I am so glad he is getting some help… there are some wonderful medicines that work out there!!

May 10, 2004

(((HUGS))) i’m just glad i get to read your entries 🙂 even though i wont be around much for a little while… Love and Light to you!!!

May 10, 2004

I hope your Hub comes through this OK. I know its hard at times, but I think that you both can combine strength and persevere.

I feel special…I’m one of the chosen few. I’m feeling lucky,maybe I should buy a lottery ticket…

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband!!

Sending you love and putting my arms around you in spirit and holding on to you…You never deserved any of the stuff that has been hurting you here on OD. Your spirit shines through your writing. I am sorry for you darling man. Hope everything works out OK. love to always.

May 11, 2004

sending huge loving huggs to both you and your hubby… he sounds very tired and worn out to me…and that is when the emotional pain is at its worst love you lovely lady

May 11, 2004

My prayers are with you always…its tough on the whole family when one is in such pain. ((Tight hug))

Missed reading this yesterday, so have now read your next entry too and know your husband has obtained help. I will continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts.

May 13, 2004

*snuggles for you and all yours*